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| Rosh Hashanah in the Mountains 9/26/2022 |
Usually I just love Rosh Hashanah, but this year’s holiday on Monday 9/26/2022 was different for me. I just seemed to cry and cry all day long.
I went to the mountains like I do every year when I am in Colorado for the holiday, but the memories of the past kept resurfacing and I actually was in emotional pain this year.
I kept seeing memories of my dad being with me on the holiday. I saw memories of my children being young and playing in the mountains. I saw people who I have seen every year for over 25 years at Rosh Hashanah in the mountains and it was good to see them, but I also sensed that their lives too have changed since we all first met when our kids were young. I saw memories of just having a happy day as a family together. Some of those memories made me remember how much I loved our Rosh Hashanah holidays together as a family.
The new year made me reflect on all the losses that have occurred since last Rosh Hashanah. I remember my dear friend Hellene being there with us for so many Rosh Hashanah holidays and how wonderful it was to be with her too. It was if I heard her voice. I wish she had not died.
There was a part of the service where they asked for those who experienced loss in the past year to come to the front for the Misheberach healing prayers. Just realizing that I needed to come up made me cry.
Between the service in the mountains and the Tashlich service at a park in town, Annabelle, Joel, and I went hiking. I cried and cried during the hike.
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| I am smiling in this photo, but a few minutes before it was taken, I was in tears. |
I cried when we ate apples and honey together. I cried at the Tashlich service as we threw bread remembering and reflecting on the year to come in a flowing stream. I cried when it was time for my daughter Annabelle to leave. I cried when I went to bed.
Things are just not the same and I’m wondering if I should be in Colorado at all. Memories are surfacing and there are too many memories of a life that no longer exists.
