I have been trying to read more during this Coronavirus shutdown.
Some of the books I recently have read have been non-fiction exit stories about Hasidic Jews. After reading the last exit story, I knew I needed some fiction since the exit stories were really disturbing me, so I decided to read Naomi, The Rabbi's Wife, a book I bought and put on my Kindle a few months back because it was written by Miriam (Mimi) Finesilver, a person who crossed my path many years ago.
I am so glad I decided to read Mimi's book since it is so good! Her story takes place in the 1970s and early 1980s which was a time in my life where like Naomi, there was so much going on in my life. Through Naomi's eyes, I'm taken right into New York City in the 1970s. It was fun to remember life without cell phones, the internet, and computers!
I don't want to give away too much of the plot in this review, but here's a short summary:
Naomi, who grew up in a town where almost everyone was Jewish in upstate New York, now lives in New York City and is trying to make it as an actress. She lands a great part in an off-Broadway show and then even a better part in a commercial. Through her acting career, Naomi meets Gary who she thinks is a great guy, but things go very, very wrong in the relationship shortly after Naomi moves in with him. Following their break-up, Naomi sinks into a horrible depression. As she deals with a life that seems to be falling apart, she gets involved and eventually joins Temple Beth Shalom in Manhattan. There Naomi embraces her Judaism and the depression ends. The young assistant rabbi, Daniel, and Naomi fall in love and marry. The young couple moves to Florida where Daniel becomes the Senior Rabbi to a dying congregation, but together he and Naomi bring the congregation back to life. After two years of marriage the couple and the congregation take a trip to Israel, but just before the trip, Naomi makes a life-changing decision that strains their marriage and Daniel's faith. The book ends at the Wailing Wall where Daniel and Naomi embrace. The reader is left wondering what will happen next.
Through this book, I also got to journey into the protagonist's delight in being involved with Temple Beth Shalom in New York. I too, have experienced so much delight from celebrating the Jewish holidays and through my involvement with Temple Israel in Long Beach and with the other three congregations I am involved with in Idaho and Colorado.
Although my life has been very different than Naomi's, I related so many of the things that happened to Naomi. Rabbi Dan, who Naomi marries, reminds me in some ways of my husband, Dan. My Dan is just such a kind and sweet person. In fact, Naomi's Dan, whom she calls Daniel, calls Naomi "My-Omi." He cherishes her and adores her just as I know My Dan adores and cherishes me.
Naomi and Dan are married in June of 1979 and Dan and I were married in April of 1979. If they were real, not fictional characters, it would be so interesting to hear what their 41 years of marriage would have been like.
I have a feeling that they might have never been able to conceive, but I wonder, if like us that they might not have given up and eventually had children somehow.
I thought it was interesting that Naomi not only embraced Judaism, but really read the Torah and felt that some of its words really spoke to her soul. Orthodox Jews may take what they read in the Torah literally, but I have found that Reform Jews don't react to the words read in the Holy Books, so I found it refreshing to picture the Jews at Temple Beth Shalom really listening to their Rabbi's thoughts.
As I read the book, I enjoyed being transported to NYC in the 1970s. Mimi describes the restaurants and delicious food in New York. She even talked about Katz's Delicatessen! She made me wish I could be there. I cried when I was "at" Naomi and Daniel's wedding! I also experienced much emotion with Naomi as she touched the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem. I felt the same emotion when I touched the Wailing Wall last year during my trip to Israel.
I could tell that some of Mimi Finesilver's personal life experiences were intertwined in this story and it helped me to get to know her a bit more. We briefly met years ago. She seems like a truly amazingly talented and compassionate person that I would like to know better.
Thank you, Mimi, for giving me some happiness and joy during this time of quaratine!
Please STOP the hate and embrace diversity, very sad and disgusting your consumed with so much hate.
JO ANN
I think the main thing to consider about Deborah Feldman is that this book is mostly a work of fiction. Her mom didn't leave home when she was young, her parents lived on the first floor of the same building with her grandparents, her mom just got divorced about a year or so ago from her father, she had a sister she never mentioned, she was frequently escorted to the PUBLIC libraries with her neighbor's kids, she attended a "liberal" orthodox school (with a secular curriculum) for many years before she was kicked out for repeatedly talking with the other girls about sexual reproduction and the female anatomy and she only spent 4 years at a Satmar school which was generous enough to take in this trouble child after some major arm twisting from her "evil" aunt Chaya. Oh and the murder she detailed wasn't really a murder it was a suicide, the 13 year old boy was a troubled 20 year old and the police and coroners reports (which she claimed didn't exist) do not mention severed penis. Other than that...
After reading every book review, excerpt, interview, commentary and blog I could find on this topic (including the one Ms Feldman wrote "anonymously" and used as the basis of this book) I decided not to actually read the remainder of her book. I know that is generally frowned upon in this forum, but I really truly did my research on this subject before commenting on it.
Take care--have a joyous PURIM!!
By the way, did you read the book? The experience Deborah Feldman describes at her first time at the Mikvah is especially upsetting. I plan to ask my study partner from Partners In Torah about that when we study in the coming week.
Best,
JO ANN
Ms. Feldman exaggerated (invented may be more accurate) many of the "restrictions" on women in the Satmar world. I am not sure if she did it for spite, poetic license, or to spice up her book to increase sales, but the fact is there is no curfew on women, people wear seat-belts, women eat in restaurants, etc. She misstated many laws and traditions and has been called out on this not only by other Orthodox Jews, but by others who have left the community as well.
Many of the stories and claims in the book have been debunked by people who know her, grew up with her and went to school with her. Claims about her education and her family have also been proven to be false by many independent sources. Then there is the rumor that she printed in her book. There is no evidence of a murder taking place or a cover-up. The case was investigated by the State Police, it was ruled a suicide by the coroner, a death certificate was issued and there was no mention of a severed penis. Everything Ms. Feldman claimed was proven to be false (SEE LINKS BELOW FOR DETAILS). And all she managed to do by printing this salacious rumor was cause further harm to an already grieving family. After viewing the evidence everyone should be able to acknowledge this terrible lack of judgment on her part. She owes this family and the community a heartfelt apology for repeating this false claim in a book. Personally I feel a libel suit is warranted against her and her publisher for the harm they caused by purposely printing an unsubstantiated rumor.
Here are independent sources for you to check out.
http://www.nydailynews.com/blogs/pageviews/2012/03/the-second-coming-of-james-frey-hasidic-jews-charge-that-one-of-their-own-has-publ
http://www.thejewishweek.com/news/new_york/unorthodox_authors_claim_cover_up_countered
http://blogs.forward.com/sisterhood-blog/151489/
http://failedmessiah.typepad.com/failed_messiahcom/2012/03/more-evidence-deborah-feldman-lied-678.html
Someone who is a product of a stable home and is honest about their background, upbringing and community (Ms. Feldman is none of these) could have written a much better account of this community. I would advise anyone reading this book to view it as fiction and take her claims as they would something written by Dickens or Hemingway.
If you don't stop harassing me saying "I am consumed with hate", I WILL report YOU to Amazon!!! For YOU or anyone else that reads this...I DO NOT HATE THE SATMARS OR ANY JEWISH PERSON!!! I am Jewish myself, my father in law was a Holocaust survivor. I have NO problem with the Satmars either.....everyone is entitled to their beliefs....they want to live their lives their way, that is fine. I don't choose to live my life that way and neither does Ms. Feldman, and that is FINE too!!!
I read Deborah's book and I liked it.....this is the story of a woman's courageous journey from a very tight knit community and she decided to leave it because it WASN'T for her. No problem with that but yet some people on this site seem to think that it's a problem because this woman doesn't want to be a part of that particular community. Leave the girl alone already. She doesn't want to be a Satmar Jew, OK so no big deal. She has nothing against the Satmars or any of the Jews. She is still Jewish but she just chooses to live her life in a different way!! Live and let live!!! For those of you that just keep saying how she lied, how bad she is, this and that, etc., you are just making it worse for yourselves as it proves to me, that in your "community" everyone has to be like you are. Just remember, everyone is different, unfortunately the Nazi's didn't think that and wanted everyone to be the same....blond hair, blue eyes......the world would be quite boring, if we are all the same. We are all flowers in life's garden and we are all part of ONE race....THE HUMAN RACE!!!
Btw, I do not know Deborah Feldman at all....I only heard of her a few weeks ago when a family member of mine posted a link on FB to the article in the NY Post....so I decided to read her book. Most of it was familiar to me as I am familiar with the ways of the Orthodox Jews as other family members are very Orthodox. It's unfortunate that I have to defend myself on a website which I will not be doing anymore. Mr. Jason K.....if you harass me ONE more time, I WILL REPORT YOU!!!! You are entitled to your opinions, but LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!
Your statement only confirms even more that Feldman Lied because Baila is from Satmar and writes perfect English not like Feldman stated that Stamar women have a 4th grade education level, just like Hella Winston who is NOT even an Orthodox Jew, failed Messiah and many former satmars will attest that Feldman did lie in her book.
To Sandi,
So far you or anyone else who trolls on Feldman Facebook has yet to bring proof of what Feldman writes is true, Feldman is coming out to be more and more the new James Frey. it is no wonder a Holocaust denier such as Michael Hoffman would endorse this book. it is very sad your consumed with so much hate.
I really liked your comments. I felt they came from your heart. And were not mean spirited like many of the reviews here.
The one thing I disagreed with is on your assumption that Debrah Feldman was truthful. I am curious as to why you would take her word over your friends in Chabad and Partners in Torah and Torah Mates?
Ms. Feldman exaggerated (invented might be a more accurate term) many of the "restrictions" on women in the Satmar world. I am not sure if she did it for spite, poetic license, or to spice up her book in order to increase sales, but the fact is there is no curfew on women, people wear seat-belts, women eat in restaurants, etc. I am not a woman, so I cannot say firsthand, but I have heard many women enjoy the Mikvah experience. In my Hasidic community women are CEOs, Corporate Attorneys, Anesthesiologists, Doctors, etc. There are no restrictions on reading, English or anything else. They CHOOSE to live a modest lifestyle according to the Torah because they prefer this lifestyle to the secular lifestyle. They are not being held back or being held hostage. No one is forcing them to do anything they don't want to do.
Ms Feldman misstated many laws and traditions and has been called out on this not only by other Orthodox Jews, but by others who have left the community as well. Many of the stories and claims she made in the book (the murder, her "4th grade education, etc.) have been debunked by people who know her, grew up with her and went to school with her and her sister (whom she doesn't mention in the book).
Reading her words in interviews, from the book and her "anonymous" blog (which appears to be the base from which this book is formed), I have surmised that Ms. Feldman is a very gifted writer with an uncanny ability to twist reality to fit perfectly with her thesis. I can also see instances of an immature, self-centered, petulant and somewhat materialistic person peak out through her writings. The way she treated people who tried to help her both in REAL LIFE and in her book is upsetting.
Someone who is a product of a stable home and is honest about their background, upbringing and community (Ms. Feldman is none of these) could have written a much better account of this community.
My advice would be to take the claims made in this book with a grain of salt and continue to learn with your friends and see the reality behind Ms. Feldman's fantasy world.
http://www.cnn.com/video/?/video/bestoftv/2012/03/02/exp-point-feldman-unorthodox-two.cnn#/video/bestoftv/2012/03/02/exp-point-feldman-unorthodox-two.cnn
http://startingpoint.blogs.cnn.com/2012/03/02/author-deborah-feldman-explains-why-she-left-the-satmar-sect-of-the-hasidic-jewish-community/
You really should get your facts straight Baila....just saying. Ohhh and I agree with Betty 100% about your campaign to discredit Ms. Feldman....especially since in one of your posts you admit to NOT even reading the book. I always wondered how someone can critique a book when they never even read it.....hmmmm quite interesting!! Amazing...LOL!!
http://failedmessiah.typepad.com/failed_messiahcom/2012/03/more-evidence-deborah-feldman-lied-678.html
The second coming of James Frey?:
http://www.nydailynews.com/blogs/pageviews/2012/03/the-second-coming-of-james-frey-hasidic-jews-charge-that-one-of-their-own-has-publ
And to top it all, check this site out:
http://deborah-feldman-exposed.blogspot.com/
I'm sick to my stomach that we were duped by Feldman.