Let It Go!

The song "Let It Go" seems to be in my head. It's a good song, and the theme really is that we should not hide who we are from anyone.  We should not be afraid of what others think or say.

Also, "Let It Go" is about being rebellious and not conforming.  It's about being an individual.  It is about being yourself.   Elsa says "No right, no wrong...no rules for me...I'm free!"

In the story FROZEN, Queen Elsa has hid behind closed doors and has tried to be please everyone her whole life.  She has lived her life without questioning the decisions that were made for her when she was young.  She says as she opens up and sings "Let It Go" that she no longer has to be "that good girl she always had to be."  She says, "And...now they know!" 

That theme and Elsa's words got me thinking.  Like Elsa in the story FROZEN, there have been times in my life when I have not really been who I am.  What I mean is that in order to please, I've tried to comply with the wishes  of others.  I just can't do that anymore and I should have never done that.

I am now convinced more than ever that I must be not hold back and I must be who I am and also be clear on what I believe.   I do know that following G-d's guidelines on how to live are sensible, so Elsa's words about there being no right and no wrong and no rules, doesn't make complete sense, but it does make sense for me to no longer be afraid.  I am not afraid to believe that there is more than one way to seek G-d, but like Elsa says, "I'm never going back...the past is in the past.  Let It Go!"

Let It Go

Idina Menzel

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation,
and it looks like I'm the Queen
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in;
Heaven knows I've tried

Don't let them in,
don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel,
don't let them know
Well now they know

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore

Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care
what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on.
The cold never bothered me anyway

It's funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can't get to me at all

It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right,… no wrong, no rules for me,

I'm free!

Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You'll never see me cry
Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on

My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I'm never going back, the past is in the past

Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on

The cold never bothered me anyway!

Songwriters: Robert Lopez / Kristen Anderson-Lopez / Emanuel Kiriakou

Let It Go lyrics © Walt Disney Music Company

Sharing a FB friend's thoughts about Donald Trump

I have a feeling I am going to get myself in trouble with some of my friends for sharing this political post (below), but Tim Fisher's words, (who I know from when I wrote for About.com) must be shared.

Tim Fisher

6 hrs · 

Trump is that kid on the bus your parents told you to never sit by. He's the guy that pushes down the group that's walking down the sidewalk to school and takes their lunch money. He's the frat guy your friend says not to get too close to at the party that night - he gave her the creeps the week before when he bumped into her. He's the manager that can't keep any good employees and everyone knows why. He's the retired guy that has nothing better to do than try to make you miserable with his late night calls to the police every time your dog barks. He's the worst things about many different people, all wrapped up into one loser of a human being. And he's president. How disgusting and sad that the bully won and now he gets to be who he really is on the world stage. His interest is nothing more than feeling bigger than you, more important than you, more powerful than you, at any cost. This is what a bully is. Unfortunately, as president, the fallout from bully-rule is not a skinned knee or black eye; it's war, and suffering, and hatred.

Why Has My Sister Shut Me Out?

I just saw the stage musical version of FROZEN.  Afterwards, I watched the DVD.  I seem to know the story and the songs by heart since I've seen the Disney On Ice version 15 times since my son Joel is in the cast of that show.  He's done over 1300 performances!

The theme of the story is the closeness of sisters and love.

Everytime I see Elsa and Anna's closeness and how it ends for a time when Elsa shuts the door and shuts Anna out of her life, I cry a bit inside.  You see, my sister has done the same thing and I don't know why.

When I go to her house, she closes the door and tells me to go away just like Elsa told Anna.  When I invite her to do fun things, she always says no.  I recently tried to take a walk with her home when I visited southern California, and she told me she'd rather be alone and asked me to go away.

It is not just me; she does the same thing to my dad.  Once in awhile, for about 20 to 30 minutes, she does open herself a bit to us, but most of the time we are shut out in the same way Elsa shut out Anna. When she does see us, she seems so troubled and unhappy and she rarely smiles.  When I share happy things and thoughts with her, that seems to make her hostile or angry.

Just like Anna, I wish I knew why my sister has shut me out, but I do know she loves me.  She tells me that.

In FROZEN, something was wrong and Elsa had to hide herself away to keep the secret of her powers from those she loved.  I wonder if my sister has something going on inside that is causing her to shut out those she loves?

It's Hitting Me...I'm Feeling a Huge Sense of Loss

Over the years I tried to hold on to the past and  I've tried to hold on to every person who has touched my life.  And...I keep doing that.

When I lose touch with someone or if someone does not really want to be in touch with me, I am sad.

During these Days of Awe, during the time when we say we are sorry, I've tried to reach out to some people, but there has been no response. There has been silence.

Last night it hit me that I may have lost those friendships or what we had cannot ever be the same. That made me cry a bit.  I felt a true sense of loss.

What I've realized is that some of these people feel that we can be "friends from a distance," (not a physical distance, but from an emotional distance), and because I don't want to believe as they do, that they no longer want to reach out to me.

What bothers me more is that in order to maintain some of those friendships, I got sucked into trying to believe like they did for certain times in my life.

I have been told by one person that she doesn't know "which JO ANN she will get" and that I've been deceptive.  I didn't mean to be "different JO ANNs" and I didn't mean to be deceptive.  I just wanted to please to maintain relationships.

I just can't do that-this anymore!

Realizing this has not only made me sad, but I'm feeling a huge sense of loss.  It's not quite like when someone dies, but still, I'm feeling sadness.

I must accept that the circle around me has changed.

Five Ways to Mess Up an Apology - From AISH.com

I stumbled on the link (below) today.  It is very much a good thing to read during the Days of Awe and before Yom Kippur.

Personal refllection:

I am a "complicated person" who has interacted with so many people and I have messed up so many times and hurt others (without meaning to) in my lifetime. Sometimes I apologize even when I don't need to apologize since I want to make things right, but sometimes my apologies are not accepted, but I'm still willing to say I'm sorry.

• The Five Ways We Mess Up an Apology - How to ask for forgiveness the right way

More Great Thought From Dr. Ellen - Be Safe, Happy, and Healthy

I am really enjoying the positive and inspiration thoughts from my friend Dr. Ellen Albertson. She has become such a motivator!

Grandma - My Memories of My Grandma Fannie Schneider

This Shabbat, 9/22---9/23/2017, is my Grandma Fannie Schneider's yahrzeit. I was so, so close to her. She died in 1994.

I wrote this memory of her on an old website that was discontinued, but fortunately it was archived in the Oocities archives.

My sister Lynnellen was pregnant with my nephew Drew in this photo taken in 1986. Standing next to Grandma is my dad's younger brother and my Uncle Bobby who died in 2014.

Many of my friends from Long Beach remember Grandma!

Below is what was and is archived in the Oociities archives:

Grandma

Lynnellen (pregnant with Drew), Jo Ann, Grandma, and Uncle Bobby

Thanksgiving Day 1986

GRANDMA

Grandma. That's the only name I can use as I talk about my grandmother, Fannie Schneider. Grandma liked being called by that name too, and actually asked my friends to call her Grandma too.

I feel like I had a special privilege as a grand-daughter to get to know Grandma because in 1978 when I graduated from Colorado College, I moved in with Grandma. At first I moved into one of her extra bedrooms, but soon discovered that I was more comfortable sharing a room with Grandma. She invited me to sleep in the extra twin bed that was in her bedroom. Like two young girls, we became good friends; sometimes I felt like we were college roommates, not grandmother and grand-daughter. We shared some great times together that year--we went shopping together, ate meals together, went to movies together, and took walks together. I was able to drive her to visit certain friends and relatives she couldn't see that often too. I learned a lot about not only Grandma's family, but also my grandfather's family that year.

That year was an important one in my life, since while staying at Grandma's house, I met the man I would marry, Dan Farris. Most of our courtship took place at Grandma's house, and Dan soon was calling her "Grandma" too! Dan and I became engaged while sitting in Dan's car, right in front of Grandma's house! Grandma was the first one to hear the good news and responded with, "Mazel Tov!" We celebrated by picking up Grandma's sister, Molly, and all going out to eat at the Katella Deli, Grandma's favorite restaurant. That was Dan's first time eating at a Jewish deli, and we probably took Grandma to that deli at least 50 more times in future years. She always ordered the same thing: a bowl of matzah ball soup and a corned beef sandwich. She only ate half of the sandwich and took the other half home to eat later (or to give to her son, Bobby, who visited quite often.)

Grandma really liked young people. She had many boarders through the years live in the large house on Granada Avenue. One of her favorite boarders was my best friend, Marion Ennis Curtis. Marion called her "Grandma" too. It was really great for Dan and I when we visited Belmont Shore, since we could always visit Grandma and Marion at the same time. Marion took part in some of our family celebrations too. I always thought it was so wonderful that Grandma had so many friends, both young and old.

I miss my Grandma. I miss hearing the stories of her childhood in New York. I miss hearing her sing. I miss hearing about her life with my Grandpa, Max. I miss hearing about her life as a young teacher and young mother. I miss hearing about what went on at the Jewish Community Center and what she was served at the luncheon at the temple. I miss hearing about Grandma's friends. I miss hearing about her sisters and brothers, Grandpa, Uncle Bobby, and my dad. Although I miss these things, I am left with wonderful memories of a very busy and happy lady.

I am so glad that she was able to meet her great-grandson, my son, Joel, in her last days. I hope to be able to tell Joel stories about Grandma too.

I know Grandma really loved her husband, two sons, three grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. I am so glad that her first great-grandchild, Drew was able to get to know Grandma well. The house on Granada Avenue will never be the same, but new memories have occured there: since my sister, Lynnellen, and her three children have been living there. I am so glad Grandma led such a long and wonderful life. I feel privileged to be the grand-daughter of such a unique individual.

Shabbat Evening Service - Temple Israel Long Beach 9-22-17

Again, it was and is wonderful to connect from Colorado to the Shabbat service in Long Beach, California!

It was also my Grandma Fannie Schneider's yahrzeit.  I was so, so close to her.   She was a very involved part of the Long Beach Jewish Community and Temple Israel and it meant a lot to me to hear her name called out in rememberance this Shabbat.

See the blog post below where I share my memories of Grandma:

• GRANDMA - My Memories of My Grandmother Fannie Schneider

Rosh Hashanah 9-21-17 With the Two Favorite Men in My Life

It was fun spending Rosh Hashanah in the mountains on 9-21-17 with the two favorite men in my life: My dad and my husband!

Hineni - Here Am I

I was so moved by this during the mountain Rosh Hashanah service that I decided to take a photo of it so I could read it again.  Wow...it says so much of what I think about....

Rosh Hashanah in the Mountains 9-21-17

It was a majestic and fabulous day!

Debbie Friedman's Shanah Tovah: A Good Year

I was trying to find-remember a good Rosh Hashanah song and remembered this one. This is a fun Rosh Hashanah song! When my kids were little we'd sing it in the car on our way to the mountains. It's still a family favorite.

 

Apple in Honey - Shana Tovah!

I think this is so funny! Shanah Tovah!

Do Former Cult Members Try to Hold Onto Friendships They Made "There"?

Every time I see movies about religious cults, I relate.  You see, although JFJ was not supposed to be a cult because its doctrine was not "off," it functioned like one.  At least it functioned like a cult in the days I was there.

When I was part of that organization, I learned to obey and follow and found myself dependent on the leaders.  I was "encouraged" to only associate with JFJ family and as time passed, I needed the people in the group. We even wore bright t-shirts that said who we were and we spent time on the streets passing out brochures pretending to not be ashamed.  I was miserable doing that because I did not believe in the "cause," but I also didn't want to lose the people that I thought had become my "family."

It did take sometime to learn to function again on my own after I left JFJ.

That was a long, long time ago.

As time passed, I forgot, but in recent years, I remember some of the people I knew who were part of that organization.  And... because of social media and the internet, I am connected to some of the people that I once knew from those intense days.

Some of those people I know are really my friends and I've so grateful that we are connected.

A certain person from "those days" and I  reconnected seven years ago.  As time has passed, she and I built up a friendship and I confided in her.  She has become a very close friend and I continue to want to hold on to her friendship.  But....last week, she asked me "Why."

"Jo Ann, why are you associating with me and others if you don't want to believe as I do?  It is deceptive."

Her statement got me thinking.  Am I being deceptive?

I don't mean to be.

It is just that I love people and want to give myself to those who I care about.

If I was a young person trying to exit a dangerous cult, I'd probably have cut myself off from all the people that are part of JFJ or associated with it, but I just don't want to.  Also, the organization may have changed and may not be as cult like as I remember.

Is is common for former cult members to try to hold onto friendships they made "there" or is it just me?

Words of Wisdom From Dr. Ellen - My Religion Is Kindness

I love the daily affirmations from my friend Dr. Ellen Albertson. This one fits the way I try to live my life!

"Being kind is easy. Yet doing a kind act creates a powerful, reliable increase in wellbeing.

Don't take my word for it, experiment with kindness today. Find one completely unexpected kind thing to do and just do it. Notice how your mood shifts.

It can be as simple as letting the person in the grocery check outline go ahead of you or buying a cup of coffee for the stranger behind you.

Spread the love."  - Dr. Ellen Albertson

12 Years Ago Today - There Can Be Miracles When You Believe

12 years ago today on Sept 16, 2005, my husband Dan fell off the Bijou Street bridge in Colorado Springs onto I-25.

People of all faiths prayed for the Schneider-Farris family and after being in a coma and near death, Dan miraculously survived.

Two weeks after Dan's accident I was celebrating Rosh Hashanah in the Colorado mountains and all I thought about was the new beginning that G-d had granted to our family.

Yes, "there can be miracles when you believe!"

Dan - A day after his accident 9-17-05

Rosh Hashanah in the Mountains 2005

Rosh Hashanah 2005 Annabelle, Joel, Rebekah, Jo Ann, and our friends Sam and Hellene Anderson

JO ANN - Rosh Hashnanah 2005

Annabelle- Rosh Hashanah 2005