I had debated about writing Cindy, the leader, and thanking her for everything, but also telling her I just didn't want to "attend" anymore. My desire to seek God as a Jew seemed to perhaps mean that "anything Christian" should no longer be part of my life at this time.
That ended up not happening because I started reading The Screwtape Letters yesterday. There was something in the book that gave me the idea to call my friend Marion and ask her to "go" with me and give the group one last try.
Well, I did "go," but my computer sure didn't want me to go! Every time I tried to log into the service and the chat room, the computer froze. I must have been in and out of there about four times. Finally, I was able to get back in the chat room. Cindy sent me the close-captioned version of the service which I was able to see and read later. I realized, after seeing the whole talk in writing, that I like seeing things in writing because I can understand better.
I want to seek God in my own way and yes, at this time, I do believe that there are many ways to God. I want to learn about all those ways, but my love of the Jewish way to God drives and guides me daily.
That ended up not happening because I started reading The Screwtape Letters yesterday. There was something in the book that gave me the idea to call my friend Marion and ask her to "go" with me and give the group one last try.
Well, I did "go," but my computer sure didn't want me to go! Every time I tried to log into the service and the chat room, the computer froze. I must have been in and out of there about four times. Finally, I was able to get back in the chat room. Cindy sent me the close-captioned version of the service which I was able to see and read later. I realized, after seeing the whole talk in writing, that I like seeing things in writing because I can understand better.
Les Misérables is about forgiveness:
There was a section of the sermon about part of the story Les Misérables. Jean Valjean, the book's hero, steals something from a bishop. Not only is he forgiven by the bishop, but he is given more things by the man he wronged. The bishop's act of kindness moved the book's hero and changed Jean Valjean's life forever. The entire experience, in a sense, redeems Jean Valjean for life. Although he cannot escape his past, his entire being transformed because of that one act of kindness and forgiveness.
There was a section of the sermon about part of the story Les Misérables. Jean Valjean, the book's hero, steals something from a bishop. Not only is he forgiven by the bishop, but he is given more things by the man he wronged. The bishop's act of kindness moved the book's hero and changed Jean Valjean's life forever. The entire experience, in a sense, redeems Jean Valjean for life. Although he cannot escape his past, his entire being transformed because of that one act of kindness and forgiveness.
The Book of Philemon is about forgiveness:
The sermon was not actually about Les Misérables, but about a letter Paul wrote to Philemon asking him to forgive a slave. Paul wished to pay the Onesimus's entire debt in fact.
The sermon went on and talked about forgiving those who hurt us, but also it talked about how to deal with someone who may seek you out to say, "You hurt me, but I have forgiven you."
The sermon was not actually about Les Misérables, but about a letter Paul wrote to Philemon asking him to forgive a slave. Paul wished to pay the Onesimus's entire debt in fact.
The sermon went on and talked about forgiving those who hurt us, but also it talked about how to deal with someone who may seek you out to say, "You hurt me, but I have forgiven you."
My thoughts:
As I was in the discussion group, I thought about this issue. There's no way I'd really want someone I have hurt to bring it up and remind me of it!
I also reflected and remembered. I was really angry at Jews for Jesus for years. Yes, certain things happened "there" to me and others that I could not let go of or forget, but I also did some things to hurt that organization later. I don't want to be reminded of those things.
As I was in the discussion group, I thought about this issue. There's no way I'd really want someone I have hurt to bring it up and remind me of it!
I also reflected and remembered. I was really angry at Jews for Jesus for years. Yes, certain things happened "there" to me and others that I could not let go of or forget, but I also did some things to hurt that organization later. I don't want to be reminded of those things.
In February of 2011, shortly after I prayed with Lynn, all the anger I had for the organization ended. Even if I tried, I could not hold on to it. I could not even remember why I had been angry!
Would I hang out with someone who hurt me or someone I hurt?
Now, getting back to the discussion group. I do understand that Onesimus probably was forgiven by Philemon, but...(I brought this up last night), I doubt Onesimus and Philemon became buddies. I doubt Onesimus hung out at Philemon's house again.
This may be what I've struggled with recently. I don't want to hang out with the people I hurt (except for a select few right now). It was not only Jews for Jesus I hurt. There were innocent and good "church people" that I scoffed at and perhaps made fun of. Some of the people I hurt have opened their arms up to me and welcomed me back in their lives, but still, I don't want to be that close.
Now, getting back to the discussion group. I do understand that Onesimus probably was forgiven by Philemon, but...(I brought this up last night), I doubt Onesimus and Philemon became buddies. I doubt Onesimus hung out at Philemon's house again.
This may be what I've struggled with recently. I don't want to hang out with the people I hurt (except for a select few right now). It was not only Jews for Jesus I hurt. There were innocent and good "church people" that I scoffed at and perhaps made fun of. Some of the people I hurt have opened their arms up to me and welcomed me back in their lives, but still, I don't want to be that close.
I want to seek God in my own way and yes, at this time, I do believe that there are many ways to God. I want to learn about all those ways, but my love of the Jewish way to God drives and guides me daily.
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