My thoughts on the phrase "I Love You"

I have been thinking about the phrase "I love you."

If a person treats family or friends badly, the statement "I love you" is a lie, so why say the phrase at all?

I Am So, So Sad

During the past couple of months, I've been so, so sad.

Yes, someone I loved died recently and yes, someone I love lost a loved one.  My children have grown up, and I'm feeling a bit of the empty nest although they are still very much a part of my life.  My father is now 90 years old, and needs me more than ever.

I have reasons to be sad.  I have reasons to be overwhelmed.  I have reasons to cry.

But...

All these reasons above are not what have caused this continuing and overwhelming sadness.

My sadness comes because someone I care about so very much is angry at me some of the time and no matter what I do, our relationship is strained.  The pain is so great that the sadness never leaves my being.

I've tried to make things right, but things are not really better.

I do fun things that put a "band-aid" on the sadness, but that doesn't really matter since the sadness just won't go away which makes me sadder.

If anyone reads this, pray for me...

Was the Story In Not Without My Daughter Totally True?

I think most people remember the 1991 movie "Not Without My Daughter" starring Sally Field.  It showed the story of how Betty Mahmoody and  her little daughter Mahtob who were held against their will in Iran for 18 months after what was supposed to be a two week vacation to visit her native born Iranian husband Moody's family.  Dr. Mahmoody had lived in America for 20 years, and it seemed that a visit was okay, but instead, Moody (the nickname Betty called him) changed once back in his home country, and Betty experienced a nightmare and had to escape Iran.   She would not leave without her daughter Mahtob.

After recently watching that movie again, I decided I had to read the books associated with the story.  I did not only read the books, but I watched numerous videos.

Not only did Betty Mahmoody write a book, but the daughter, little Mahtob, who is now grown up (I believe she is now 40 years old) has published her story too.

And...Betty's ex-husband, Sayyed Bozorg Mahmoody, wrote a book too that tells his side of the story.  The book dragged a bit and was poorly written.  It is clear that he wished to prove somehow that he was innocent and he wanted to "get back" at his ex-wife for sharing the story.

Dr. Mahmoody, who was always called Moody by Betty, passed away in 2009, but before he died, a documentary was made that also told his story.  He denied Betty's claim that she and Mahtob were forced to stay in Iran and that they were tricked into going there.  (Apparently, after the book and movie came out, Iranians were angry at him for causing their country and culture to look so primitive and barbaric and his life was miserable.)  He claimed that almost all that Betty said was true was really false.

 I read "My Name Is Mahtob" first before I read "Not Without My Daughter."  I also watched the documentary that showed Dr. Mahmoody's point of view and watched YouTube interviews with both Mahtob and Betty.

After reading and watching everything, I have come to the conclusion that most likely Betty's story is true, but could have been dramatized just a bit.  The Iranian culture is so different than our American culture, that Moody may have not known how much of a "monster" he was to his wife and daughter.

Mahtob has shadowy memories in her head of what happened, so it is hard to know for sure that what she described could be just a child's memories or what her mother told her.  Most of her book is about her life since she returned to the US which can be disappointing to a reader who wants answers, but how could a child who was only four to six years old, put together an entire book that shared what happened in detail?

In his book and also the documentary, Dr. Mahmoody told Betty's story from his point of view and his point of view only.  Betty vividly describes her husband beating her, but then he instead says she hit him!

Moody explained why things are done in Iran and says that Betty just didn't understand how things were done.  He makes her look stubborn, ignorant, and angry.  He also stated that Betty was really from a poor American and uneducated family and almost hinted she was "white trailer trash" and that he rescued her from poverty.  He said he gave her a comfortable life, and that while they were living in the USA, that she took off more than once with all their savings and left him, but then returned.

Sayyed Bozorg Mahmoody was a short, balding, and somewhat overweight man; he was not the tall and handsome and strong man that was the actor in the "Not Without My Daughter" movie, so it is a bit hard to picture this weak looking man with glasses as the evil and strong monster that Betty described.  Dr. Mahmoody used his true appearance to show that perhaps Betty's story, book, and movie was exaggerated and untrue. Mahtob, however, remembers and says her father did become a monster and remembers her father hitting her and Betty.

Mahtob remembers going to school in Iran and shares bleak memories of those school days.  She tells about how the children could only color with dark crayons and were taught to chant "Death to America!"  I'm so glad she was able to get out of Iran and grew up in the good old USA!  Her father said Mahtob loved school and was in the top of her class in Iran, but Mahtob describes school in Iran as being torture for her.

Dr. Mahmoody wanted more than anything to reconcile with Mahtob, but that never happened.  As she grew up, Mahtob was terribly afraid of him and would have nothing to do with him. She even went to school under a false name and Betty and Mahtob tried to hide the best they could.  When the internet made it possible for her father to find her, Mahtob refused any contact.  Betty and Mahtob lived their lives, even after they were safely back in the USA with the fear that Mahtob could possibly be taken away by Moody.

No matter what, this is a terribly sad and uncomfortable story and I would think after knowing about it that most American women would be smart enough to know that getting involved with a man from a culture where women's rights are so different is not a good idea.

Review of Shtisel and Srugim - Two Israeli Television Soap Operas

I was hooked on the Israeli television Shtisel for the early part of 2019.  I was so hooked on the series that I couldn't wait to get into my Netflix account on my Kindle Fire and find out what was going to happen next.  I was totally addicted and became a Shtisel binge watcher!

When I realized that the show ended abruptly at the end of Season 2, I almost didn't know what to do with myself!  I learned so much about the Hasidic Ultra-Orthodox Jewish world from watching that show.  I could not wait to ask my study partners from Partners in Torah and Torah Mates about what I saw. 

Fortunately, I then discovered Srugim on Amazon Prime, which is kind of Israel's equivalent to one of my favorite old television shows from the late 1980s called Thirtysomething.  Srugim is about modern religious Orthodox (not Hasidic) singles and young married couples who are in their late 20s and early 30s.  They are close friends living in Jerusalem who get together almost every Friday night for Shabbat dinner.  The show shows their lives during the week and also on Shabbat.

Both shows must be watched with English subtitles, but I think I may have picked up a bit of Hebrew and even some Yiddish just from watching.  I have to really concentrate when I watch these shows and try not to miss anything that the subtitles say.

Srugim, like Shtisel, has taught me a lot about Judaism.  It's been wonderful to "experience Shabbat" when I watch the show.  Jerusalem looks almost "heavenly" on Shabbat mornings.  There are a lot of "Shabbat Shalom" greetings and there is also a peace in the city.  People are not rushing to do things.

I also relate to one character in particular in Srugim named Hodaya.  That character plays a rabbi's daughter who decides after the first season to "no longer be religious."  She dramatically changes and becomes very secular in Season Two.  Her friends and family believe that her decision to no longer be religious is temporary, but she has no intention of ever returning.  I too, have no intention of going back to the world of xtianity, even though, like many young Jews, I once explored that route and was once part of that community.

Shtisel 

Shtisel takes the viewer into the Ultra-Orthodox Jewish world and into the Ultra-Orthodox world in Jerusalem. It is interesting to to see Jerusalem and see the Hasidim live separately, but also be among the secular and non-hasidic Jews in Israel.

When I went to Israel in April of 2019, I was fascinated to see that what I saw in Shtisel was accurate.  I had to be careful to not stare at all the Haredi families I saw since I felt that Shtisel had given me a glimpse into their world.

Srugim's Main Characters - Reut, Nati, Hifat, Amir, and Hodaya

In Srugim, some of the scenes take place in coffee houses and in Tel Aviv, so now that I have been there, I like it so much when I see the places I visited.  I recognized Tel Aviv's beaches in the show since I went there so many times with my daughter. Seeing the show helps me to feel that I'm still in Israel and I wish I could spend more time there, especially in Jerusalem.

Shtisel's main character, Shulem Shtisel, is a recent widower who is the head of a very large extended family and his life, along with the lives of his children and grandchildren are shown.  Shulem makes certain mistakes that drastically affect the lives of his family.  Some reviewers say that he is not a good person, but I disagree.  He's an Ultra-Orthodox man who knows only one way of life. His way of life and his only way of thinking and living affects everyone he comes in contact with.

Shulem's. youngest son, Akiva (called Kive by his close family members) is a talented artist.  Being an artist does not really mix with being Hasidic, and that causes some conflict and also caused Kive to not be able to successfully get engaged or stay engaged.

I thought the episode where Shulem reconciles with a daughter who lives in Nahariya interesting because it showed how angry Shulem was with her decision to become Chabad.  I didn't know how angry the Haredi sects are with the Lubavitch due to their belief that their dead Rebbe is the Messiah.  It was fun for me to visit Nahariya during my trip to Israel and ride on the same train that perhaps Shulem and Kive took there.

Both Shtisel and Srugim show how important family and marriage and children are in the Orthodox Jewish culture.  Also, in Shtisel, the men smoke constantly and there sure is a lot of eating and drinking!

I have enjoyed seeing a Bris, seeing wedding celebrations, engagement gatherings, sitting Shiva, morning prayers, and holiday celebrations.

I wonder what I will watch when I complete the third season of Srugim?  I have heard that Shtisel will continue for a third season though...yippee!

Also, Facebook has groups that discuss both Shtisel and Srugim, so I now can discuss what may be my two favorite Israeli television shows with others who like the shows as much as I do!

Review of Shulem Deen's All Who Go Do Not Return

I recently read All Who Go Do Not Return by Shulem Deen.  The book was hard to put down and "shook my soul."  It got me thinking a lot about religion and cults and shunning and all sorts of related things.

Below is my summary and thoughts of his memoir.

Shulem Deen's parents were former hippies. During that time, in the 1960s, young people got into drugs, but also some young people got into religion.  Unlike many of the young people that got involved in the Jesus Movement in the 1960s, Deen's parents went the "opposite way" and became Chassidic Jews.   I wish so much that they'd not gone "full force" into being Chassidic since Deen and his siblings had no choice on how to live their lives.

Deen grew up in a sheltered society in what was called a Chassidic village right in the middle of New York City.  Life there was lived as if the people were living in the 1800s in Russia, but there were modern conveniences.  Marriages were arranged and the Rebbe gave his approvals and blessings for each match.   At seventeen, all of Shulem's friends were getting engaged and then married by the time they were 18.  He met his wife to be for only seven minutes at an arranged meeting before their actual wedding.  On their wedding night, Deen had to call a mentor to make sure they were "doing it right."

I learned how little secular education those in the Chassidic community get.  I learned how married couples are required to have sexual intercourse twice a week (I think it is Friday after Shabbat dinner and on Tuesday night).  I learned how men are not supposed to look at women after Bar Mitvah age.  I learned how most of the Chassidic families live off of food stamps and are on welfare since the men's primary "job" is to study Torah.

I also learned how beautiful a weekly Shabbat dinner and celebration for a family can be.

I learned how as time progressed, that Shulem and his wife Gitty began to love one another.  Although having five children was a financial burden, Shulem Deen adored each of his children so very much.

As time progressed, Deen realized he did not believe in God at all, but could not possibly choose to leave the tight knit community and life he was born into, but he was thrown out of his community by the leaders of  his community because word got out that he was encouraging others to rethink the tight rules and regulations of the Chassidic life.  He read secular books, watched television, surfed the internet, and even visited secular places.  He learned there was a whole world out there.  That world he shared with others that were also rethinking the life they were born into.  He became "anonymously famous" for his Hasidic Rebel blog.

Deen's wife was really unhappy when the family was forced to leave all they knew and live outside the community.  As time passed the couple decided it would be best to divorce.   She went back of course.

At first, after the divorce, Deen saw his children all the time, but little by little, each of his five children decided to have nothing to do with him.  That is the part of his story that broke my heart.

Today Shulem Deen lives the life of a secular Jewish man, but he may be involved with the Reform Jewish community.  He helps those that leave Hasidism.  Despite being deprived of a high school education, Deen eventually became an educated man and is now a very talented writer.  His mother and siblings still accept him and have him into their homes. but his children and ex-wife (who remarried) have shut him out of their lives.  That breaks my heart.

I think Deen being shut out of his children's lives is the saddest part of his whole story.  I have thought about that a lot since the hardest part of me believing that there are multiple ways to God is that those that believe there is only one way don't always accept me back into their lives.  Recently, during my recent trip to Israel, someone I believed was a dear friend did not wish to see me.  That made me so sad.

I have had a really hard time understanding the rules and regulations associated with Orthodox Judaism and am so glad I consider myself a Reform Jew since nothing is required.  I love seeking God that way.

Some of the people in Deen's religious community thought he might eventually return, but he never will.  I know there is no chance I will go back "there" either even though I see no reason not to allow those who are still "there" into my life.  I have committed myself to sharing the joy I have in life with everyone I meet and touch.

Yes, I've been shunned by some "friends" who I thought would be lifelong friends who I knew from my religious past.  That is perhaps the reason I cried so hard when I got to the end of Shulem Deen's book.

My Review of the New Television Series "God Friended Me" - I Love It!

I stumbled on the pilot episode of "God Friended Me" last night and even though I fell asleep during part of the show (I always fall asleep in front of the TV), I just loved the show, so I tuned into Episode 2 on my Kindle Fire this morning and discovered I loved the show even more.

Here's a summary that I found online describing the show:

Miles Finer is an outspoken atheist whose life is turned upside down when he receives a friend request on social media from God and unwittingly becomes an agent of change in the lives and destinies of others around him. After repeated pokes by God, Miles' curiosity takes over, and he accepts the ultimate friend request and follows the signs to Cara Bloom, an online journalist. Brought together by the mysterious account, the two find themselves investigating God's friend suggestions and inadvertently helping others in need. Miles is set on getting to the bottom of what he believes is an elaborate hoax, but in the meantime, he'll play along and -- in the process -- change his life forever.

There is something very true about Miles' experiences in real life.  Social media is huge, but if used correctly, has this way of touching people.  Lives can be changed through the actions of others both online and in person. 

The people "God" suggests for Miles to meet need him. 

It is fun to see this in a modern television series since most of the TV series of today just don't hold my interest. 

It's funny, but I believe I live my life sort of like the story's main character!  I've committed myself to bringing happiness into the lives I touch wherever I go and in whatever I do online or in person.

I am very certain that "God Friended Me" too!

My Study Partner From Partner's In Torah Got to See My Son Joel Perform! 11-15-18

I have studied with Partners in Torah since 2002. My study partner Dena who has been my Partner in Torah all these years went to see my son Joel perform in Disney On Ice Mickey’s Search Party in Long Island this past Thursday 11/15/18. Dena has literally heard about my kids and their skating since they were very young. She said the show was amazing!