Light these lights and see the way to You

Two weeks ago, our family attended the family service at Temple Shalom. The rabbi invited every woman present to come up to the Bimah and light the Shabbat candles.

Something moved inside of me as I lit the lights with Annabelle and the other girls and women present. I realized that Jewish women have been lighting lights on the Sabbath for centuries! Here I was lighting the lights and seeking God with my whole heart as I did so.

I keep listening to the song over and over again. You see, lighting lights is a very Jewish thing to do. It's not just a ritual. As I hear the song, I do see a way and path to God.

• Listen to part of Light These Lights

Here's the lyrics:

Oh hear my prayer I sing to You.
Be gracious to the ones I love
And bless them with goodness and mercy and peace.
Oh hear my prayer to You.

Let us light these lights and see the way to You.
And let us say: Amen.
Let us light these lights and see the way to You.
And let us say: Amen.

Debbie Friedman wrote:

"Light These Lights is based on a traditional prayer of petition. It was written by an Ashkenazi woman in Hebrew asking G-d to have compassion over her loved ones. I assumed that this woman recited this prayer as she kindled some candles either for Yom Tov [holy day] or Shabbat [Sabbath]. I wrote Light These Lights the first year I did the Mayan [Passover] Seders in New York. I was moved by the text and by what I thought to be the potential experience of the seders; it reminded me of the warmth and sweetness of my Bubby and the hope that light brings to us moments of challenge."

Pretending to be a Christian

Yesterday, my son, Joel, and I read an article that addressed the myth of Christian persecution in the United States.

As we were reading, in the middle of the article, Joel exclaimed, "Why don't I just pretend to be a Christian? If I did so, I'd be more accepted in this world."

I thought about Joel's words last night.

I remember when I was young, I wondered what it would have been like to be born a Christian rather than be born Jewish. I knew then, if I was a Christian I'd be like everyone else (well, like most people) in the U.S.A. I could wear Easter dresses, eat Easter brunch, and truly enjoy Christmas full scale.

Shortly after that, I went through motions and pretended to be one. Years passed. Eventually, years later, I came a time where I realized I couldn't stand doing any of "it" or pretending any longer and went back to being "just plain Jewish."

I never again want to pretend to be a Christian.

Lynn told me last week that I don't have to do anything if I believe Jesus is the messiah, but she also explained that a baby left alone doesn't grow. Going to church and getting fellowship she explained are necessary for a Christian's well being. I don't get why listening to sermon after sermon or bible study after bible study keeps a Christian strong, but she says those things help too.

Am I "a baby Christian" or am I just someone who pretended again to believe? Lynn says someone can't go in and out...that is someone can't believe and be changed inside and then all of a sudden stop. But...that's what seems to have happened to me. Did I fake the whole thing?

I just have so much trouble with this "one way" idea. Yes, it says in the New Testament that Jesus is the only way, but that just doesn't make sense to me.

I keep saying this over and over again, but I like being Jewish and seeking God as a Jew. Why do Jews have to believe in Jesus? The Jews that I know that love G-d, believe that following the Torah somewhat or to the letter is the way to God. They do live by rules, and yes, they have rejected Jesus and are clear on what they believe.

As I read the New Testament and read about the Jews that rejected Jesus and his mesage, I relate a bit. The thing is, if I've truly rejected Jesus, has God abandoned me?

(One last thought: I'm very grateful that Lynn and my friend Marion have not given up on me...they at least get me to think about these issues...)

More thoughts on John 1: 14 -- 28

I read more of John 1 last night. Instead of going verse by verse, I'll just write down a summary of some of my thoughts.

This section is about John the Baptist. I recall that the end of the Jews for Jesus Christ in the Passover script that there was this closing line: "The prophet, the forerunner has come and so has the Messiah."

Now, I also recall holding up Elijah's cup and saying something about Elijah being John the Baptist, so this section, where John the Baptist says he is NOT Elijah is confusing.

I also see that people wondered if John the Baptist was the messiah. How come? Was he performing miracles or teaching?

I also wonder what it was like to be there then. Did some people think this character was just some crazy guy?

15John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying, “This was he of whom I said, ‘He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.’” 16From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. 17For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. 18No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only,^e,f who is at the Father’s side, has made him known.

John the Baptist Denies Being the Christ

19Now this was John’s testimony when the Jews of Jerusalem sent priests and Levites to ask him who he was. 20He did not fail to confess, but confessed freely, “I am not the Christ.^g”

21They asked him, “Then who are you? Are you Elijah?”

He said, “I am not.”

“Are you the Prophet?”

He answered, “No.”

22Finally they said, “Who are you? Give us an answer to take back to those who sent us. What do you say about yourself?”

23John replied in the words of Isaiah the prophet, “I am the voice of one calling in the desert, ‘Make straight the way for the Lord.’”^h

24Now some Pharisees who had been sent 25questioned him, “Why then do you baptize if you are not the Christ, nor Elijah, nor the Prophet?”

26“I baptize withⁱ water,” John replied, “but among you stands one you do not know. 27He is the one who comes after me, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie.”

28This all happened at Bethany on the other side of the Jordan, where John was baptizing.

Continuing Assignment - John 1: 6--14

I will continue reading John 1 and jot down my thoughts.

6) There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John.

I've been told John was the promised prophet who was to come before the messiah. Some say he was Elijah the prophet.

7) He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe.

It sounds like John came to tell people the light, the messiah, was about to come. I guess he came because it was said earlier that someone would come before the messiah.

8) He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light.

Yes, that make sense. John was not the messiah...the light...

9) The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.

Yes, John says the true light, the messiah is coming...

10) He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him.

So Jesus came and was not recognized as the messiah, the light.

11) He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.

I know he came to the Jewish people first, but the Jews did not believe he was the messiah.

12) Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—

This means that those who believed that Jesus was/is the messiah, no matter if they were Jew or Gentile, were/are accepted by God.

13) ...children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

I don't get this verse...

14) The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

I get part of this verse...the Word...whatever that is...was Jesus...Jesus came to the earth for a time and lived among men.

I don't understand the other sentence.

John: Chapter 1: 1--5 - My thoughts

Lynn Wein McCoy gave me an assignment. She suggested I read John Chapter 1 and write down thoughts on it. I can't remember specifically what she asked me to write about, but I will write something down...

1) In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

Now, reading that isolated make no sense What in the world was the Word? I've been told the Word was and is Jesus, but why doesn't it say so in black and white in this verse?

2) He was with God in the beginning.

Now I know He was with God. That's what this verse says, but is the writer just saying this? It is confusing...where does this conclusion come from? Bible commentaries? From the writer?

3) Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.

Okay, now God made all things. I believe that.

4) In him was life, and that life was the light of men.

I believe that God is the creator of life, yes. I also believe that God does bring a certain light to life and this world.

5) The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

I was thinking about this today. Good always shines over evil. Light shining in darkness I do understand.

Things seem dark to me right now (and I've lost whatever hope I had). I can't seem to understand why, but for awhile, I "saw the light." The bit of light I saw doesn't seem real now.

I Feel Nothing

Today, I was asked what I felt about a recent religious discussion.

I responded that I felt NOTHING. I feel nothing. It's like whatever connection I had with God is GONE. I feel NOTHING. Nothing is there.

I keep listening to this song from Chorus Line. In the song, a character named Morales talks about her experience in a high school acting class. For weeks, she felt NOTHING. She sings about how she dug to the bottom of her soul and tried, but still felt NOTHING. The teacher and kids in the class say she is hopeless. She even goes to church and asks for guidance. She says at that point, she realizes her whole experience with that class is absurd and moves on.

I am digging to "the bottom of my soul" and I'm trying, but I feel NOTHING.

(Note: Also...when I try to read the New Testament, it is impossible for me to understand. I might as well be reading Russian or Chinese words...it's like I'm getting picture without sound or something...)

Comparison

A friend sent me a video of her son's Bar Mitzvah. It was certainly different than my daughter's recent Bat Mitzvah.

The main difference in the two ceremonies is that Rebekah's Bat Mitzvah was about Rebekah. It was about Rebekah's being Jewish and growing as a Jew.

The other ceremony was a messianic Bar Mitzvah. It was very different. That Bar Mitzvah was all about Jesus.

Interesting...I liked both ceremonies. They are just very different.