My Tormented Nights May Be Over

Last night, I slept in peace. Not only did I sleep in peace, but the evil that had haunted me for months was gone. I knew it. My tormented nights are over I think.

I felt like I was a new person who had just been released from a dark prison.

This is what led up to it:

Yesterday...all of a sudden, the anger and hate that has been inside of me disappeared. It started when I woke up in the morning and continued through the day.

What happened with me being told I needed to "change my ways" regarding writing about negative things that had to do with a certain subject may have changed my life. By "repenting" and saying I was sorry (I was forced to do that in writing), I had a chance to start over with a clean slate.

There was even a person who acted as a mediator for me. When she talked to me about the serious nature of what I had done, I told her that I understood what she asked me to do and I told her that I could and would change. I made that promise to her and then put that promise in writing.

She did the work for me as far as relaying my apology and promise to change to "the upper-ups," but it was up to me to make the commitment to stop writing negative publicity about a certain subject.

I had lost a battle and admitted defeat. In a sense "I surrendered." I had been humbled but found I rather enjoyed being humbled...

The feeling that I have been released from the battle I had been fighting may have changed me inside. The hate and anger disappeared.

I thought I'd only said I was sorry to make things right on the outside, but yesterday, I realized that I was really sorry and wanted to change. There was a feeling of being free by letting go of the battle since I can no longer fight it.

And the hate that motivated me to fight that battle was gone.

I was sorry too on how I treated God and I wanted to obey Him.

I kept telling God I was sorry, but I didn't think that had done any good since I believed it was fake, but yesterday I realized that night of saying sorry every hour during another sleepless and haunted night was not fake at all. God heard me and God forgave me and now I can sleep again.