Once it arrived, I couldn't put the book down since it was so upsetting!
For years, I've studied with a program called Partners In Torah. I've admired Orthodox Jews because of that experience.
My Partners In Torah study partner has taken me on a tour of Orthodox Jewish life and I've only heard and learned positive things. What she describes is a loving community, a loving family, and a God that she and those around her seek in such a wonderful way. The rules surrounding Orthodox Judaism don't seem like rules when we talk.
I'm also now studying with a program called TorahMates. I've only talked to my study partner three times so far, but her world, too, is a wonderful place. Yes, there are rules and restrictions, but again, it seems that that those rules and restrictions just make connections to G-d stronger.
I've also admired the Chabad Lubavitch, an ultra-Orthodox Jewish sect whose mission is to educate Jews all over the world about Judaism.
Through Chabad, and also through Partners in Torah and now Torah Mates, I've learned so many things. For example, I wouldn't know about Jewish weddings, marriage contracts, Jewish marriage rituals, Shabbos, Passover, Purim, how to read Hebrew, and lots of other things if it hadn't been for my contact with these groups and for their willingness to share information with me.
It just never occurred to me that some Chasidic Jews felt trapped in that world and wanted out.
Deborah Feldman tells her story "like it is." She didn't do anything different than I did when I told my
story in my book Sentenced for Life. I told the truth. Ellen Kamentsky told the truth in her book Hawking God. Deborah Feldman tells the truth too. All of us wanted "out." All of us just told our stories.
All of us did get "out." The thing is, my story and my life has continued. So has Ellen's. And...so will Deborah Feldman's life...she's only about twenty-six years old now. She may look back. She will remember. What she experienced will never quite leave her. I've always admired Ellen since she seems to have never looked back. I admit I have looked back.
Now...back to Deborah Feldman:
As I read Deborah Feldman's story, I was horrified! I have heard about almost everything she described.
I had always thought of the Mikvah experience as a wonderful experience. Feldman's experiences were awful.
I thought of family in her community as the most wonderful thing in the world. Her family was not a wonderful. It didn't seem like she was ever loved.
Until I read this book, I thought Jewish day schools and Jewish camps were special places; now, I'm not so sure.
One thing I am sure of: I'm so glad I was not born into a Chasidic family! I'm so glad my parents and grand-parents were "your average secular Jews" and not "religious fanatics! I'm also sure that I would never again want to venture further in any fanatical religious world or into any place where religious practices, thoughts, or rules could control my life or the lives of those I love.
I noticed there are many negative reviews, but the readers never indicate that they've actually read the book. Since I have read the book, I will say it's carefully written. While Deborah details the daily life of the Satmars, she's also very conscious not to add too much judgment.
ReplyDeleteOne thing the Satmars who are angry with Deborah and also Deborah herself doesn't seem to notice. The reason she noticed what was missing in her life was because she dipped her toes into our pool. In essence, she ate from the tree of knowledge, and once she did, she was unable to feel satisfied with the life she had. Being treated as an outcast by her own family, what did she really have to lose? I came across a few sites where people are defaming her, and I'm sure the Satmars are unhappy mostly because they are private and exclusive and she's basically torn the veil off their secret society, but so it goes. This is her story, and if it doesn't align with other Satmars, so be it. That doesn't mean it isn't true.