It's Hitting Me...I'm Feeling a Huge Sense of Loss

Over the years I tried to hold on to the past and  I've tried to hold on to every person who has touched my life.  And...I keep doing that.

When I lose touch with someone or if someone does not really want to be in touch with me, I am sad.

During these Days of Awe, during the time when we say we are sorry, I've tried to reach out to some people, but there has been no response. There has been silence.

Last night it hit me that I may have lost those friendships or what we had cannot ever be the same. That made me cry a bit.  I felt a true sense of loss.

What I've realized is that some of these people feel that we can be "friends from a distance," (not a physical distance, but from an emotional distance), and because I don't want to believe as they do, that they no longer want to reach out to me.

What bothers me more is that in order to maintain some of those friendships, I got sucked into trying to believe like they did for certain times in my life.

I have been told by one person that she doesn't know "which JO ANN she will get" and that I've been deceptive.  I didn't mean to be "different JO ANNs" and I didn't mean to be deceptive.  I just wanted to please to maintain relationships.

I just can't do that-this anymore!

Realizing this has not only made me sad, but I'm feeling a huge sense of loss.  It's not quite like when someone dies, but still, I'm feeling sadness.

I must accept that the circle around me has changed.