My Rambling Thoughts 8-12-2012

Why do I have such a hunger for God and desire to learn all about God and biblical history, but feel like I know nothing about God and feel God is so far away? How could I have pretended to know anything about God ever?

I feel like I am several people at times. I become what people around me want me to be. Are there other Jewish people like me trying to seek God and dealing with all the issues I deal with?

Small Plane Crash Made Me Wonder If God Does Exist

Keith Green and two of his children died in a small plane crash on July 28, 1982. That was thirty years ago. The Greens had four children. Three year old Josiah and two year old Bethany were on the plane. Also, John and Dede Smalley and their six children died in that crash.

Melody Green was actually pregnant with child #4 at the time and there was a baby that didn't go on that plane.

I woke up this morning thinking about that plane crash, and also about the tragic plane crash that just happened to one of the skating families in Colorado Springs.

I just read about Trish Porter. I knew nothing about her before this past Thursday.  She was just another loving parent who took her kid ice skating. I've now learned that she is a strong, brave, and an amazing woman who has been through so much already. I know people will tell me that God had a reason for 1/2 of Melody Green's family to perish and that there must be a reason that something similar has just happened to the Porter family.

Pat Porter had just been inducted into the Rocky Mountain Hall of Fame on July 20, 2012.

The next morning, on July 21, I was sitting in the stands in the Colorado Springs World Arena Ice Hall watching my kids do pair skating.  Annabelle had a bad fall on the double twist lift.  Trish Porter was sitting right in front of me in the stands.  She asked if Annabelle would be okay.  It's hard for me to fathom that five days later, her life, and the life of her daughter, Shannon (who was skating on the same practice session as Annabelle and Joel), would have their lives changed forever.  It almost seems like a dream and it just can't be real.

I didn't know the Porters really, but they were such a "light" at the World Arena. Trish is so friendly and all the skaters love Shannon.  I didn't know Keith or Melody Green either, but I did visit their commune once just after I finished college.  Both people just sort of touched me, so I feel some connection with them.

These two small plane crash tragedies happened almost exactly 30 years apart to the day. Both women had amazing husbands, but also, both women maybe (or were/are) "called by God" (I don't usually use that lingo) to go on and to tell others that God is in charge.

I admit I have wondered how something so horrible could happen at all. In fact, horrible things have occurred in Colorado this past summer.

This week, I began to question if there is a God at all after hearing about the Porter tragedy, but thinking about Melody Green and how she went on for 30 years and kept on believing in God helps me to continue to believe that God does exist.  There has to be a reason that God allowed these things to happen.

I am still so, so sad and I'm thinking of Trish and Shannon Porter and also I'm thinking of the family of the other boy (who was a Collin Porter's friend) who also died in this tragedy.  I wish I could hug them.  I also wish I could hug the families that lost loved ones in the Aurora shootings.  I am also so sad for the families that lost their homes in the Waldo Canyon Fire.

• Plane crash claimed Olympian, two teens

Review of "God and Kings" - A Book By Lynn Austin

I downloaded God and Kings to my Kindle because it was a free book advertised on a free Kindle Books and Tips App.  I also downloaded it because I love to read historical fiction, and I especially like reading biblical fiction.

I wasn't sure I would really read the book, but since it was free, I thought it was worth having on my Kindle Fire to read when I needed something new to read.

I had no idea when I downloaded the book, that I'd find it to be so good and also, that the book would almost seem to "speak directly to me."   There is definitely a message in Lynn Austin's novel.

God and Kings is the first book in a series about the kings in the bible from the book of Chronicles.  This book is about the life of young Hezekiah, whose father was Ahaz, one of the wicked kings of Judah.  Ahaz does horrible things.  Hezekiah learns about Yahweh (God) through his grandfather, Zechariah, when he is a little boy.  He forgets about God as he grows up since Zechariah is taken away and hidden from him.  When Hezekiah becomes King of Judah, he is reunited with Zechariah and remembers God.

I realized, as I read the book, that I really didn't know much about any of the kings described in the Tanach.  I also didn't know much about the sacrifices that once took place in the Temple or how God's people had turned away from God.

Even though this story was about a past that seems fictional, there was some present day reality brought to the story.  The overwhelming theme is that believing and following God may seem ridiculous and outdated to people that don't believe or don't want to believe in God.

The people in the time of the kings had walked away from God, yet there still were some who did or remembered what their life had once been like when they did follow God.  Success and greed may have changed them, but in the back of their minds, they knew what God had done in their lives.  They had to decide if they would stay comfortably in the lives they had chosen without God or return to God.  It was a hard choice.  They also had to decide if they would publicly take a stand for God.

The point of this book is to show that God may be forgotten, but when one returns to God and takes a stand, goodness returns to one's soul and also good things may happen.  The book seems to make it clear that a life that is without God is a life that leads to bad things and destruction.  Thinking about all of this is scary.

Why Did 347 Homes Burn Down?

347 homes have burned to the ground in Colorado Springs, the town I've lived in and loved to live in.  The homes that burned were in a beautiful neighborhood that I'd visited and enjoyed.  Two people also died in the fire.  The city's wonderful happy place, the Flying W Ranch, is gone.

I don't get it.  I prayed and prayed for a miracle; instead my faith in God grew weaker instead... 
 

Book Review: Seed of Avraham - The 4000 Year History of the Jewish Family

A Jewish friend of mine recommended Seed of Avraham - The 4000 Year History of the Jewish Family by Othniel Seiden to a Jewish Women's Social online discussion group. I knew I would find it interesting since I love historical fiction.

This book perhaps should be called "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Judaism, Jewish People, and Jewish History." Fictional stories are mixed with facts.

I feel I now have traveled through time. I've been through World War 2 and the Holocaust; I've been through the Crusades; I've seen the pogroms in Russia; I've been to Germany where Reformed Judaism began; I've walked to Palestine with a Jewish couple who wished to escape Jewish persecution in Russia; I've seen anti-semitism in its worst forms; I've seen a young Jewish boy ask to be exempt from singing Christmas Carols in public school; I've seen Jewish families deal with eating non-Kosher foods and not observing the Sabbath; I've met the Judge Deborah; and I've even seen David kill Goliath. I've met the Baal Shem Tov who founded Hasidic Judaism and I've even met Rabbi Akiva and learned about the Nazarenes and "Joshua the Messiah."

Yes, Seed of Avraham is an amazing read and is a "page turner" at times. There were also times I had to go back and read entire chapters again since there is so much information in this book. I wanted to understand everything and I learned so much.

The book tells historical stories through the eyes of average Jewish people that could or may have been my relatives. The book skips from thousands of years ago and moves to the present, then goes back hundreds of years, and then moves to the present, and then goes back two or three thousand years. What a great way to travel through time and to learn at the same time!

In addition, certain Jewish words and terms and names are highlighted in bold throughout the volume. I was surprised how many of those words and terms and names I already knew!

Here's some examples of the stories told in Seed of Avraham:

The story of King David is told through the life of a friend of David's who's father was the armor bearer to King Saul. Other stories like the Inquisition, the Holocaust, and Columbus' journey are also told. I found out the many people think Columbus might have been a secret Jew!

The reader "hears" the stories because they are told through the eyes of people who were "there."

The book will be of interest to people of all faiths, but people who are Jewish will especially enjoy it because this book is the story of any Jewish family. Since my grandmother may have left Russia for a better life in the USA like some of the characters in the book, I especially related. There were stories my dad told me about his life as a young boy in the USA that were similarly told in this book.

I also related to the "search for something more" that occurs for a character named David. Although his secular life provided great fulfillment, at the end of the book David realizes that his desire to serve and know G-d was and is very real. I'm wondering how many Jewish people may experience something similar.

Another wonderful point the author makes is that Jewish people are truly a connected family. How great that is!

Readers should know this book is very, very long, and there are some typos in the book, but it is a great read.

Movie Review: Letters to God

Last night, I wanted to watch a movie on my Kindle Fire, and came across "Letters to God."  

The movie is based on a true story.

The story is about a little boy named Tyler who is dying of cancer.  Every day, Tyler writes letters to God.  His faith is sweet and innocent.  He doesn't give up, although those around him want to give up.

What his family is going through is horrible and also, some of the people around him are also facing horrible things.  Faith and prayer is what keeps many of the characters in the movie going.

Tyler even sends a loving letter to a boy that bullies him about his illness because he wants to love others the way God does.  That boy does change his attitude.

Tyler gets others to look at their own lives.  They call out to God and then their lives do change.

I had no idea, when I started watching the movie, that is was a Christian movie.  In fact, many of the "good people" in the movie seemed to be gentile church-goers.  There is nothing wrong with gentile church-goers, that just caught me by surprise.  There seemed to be no Jewish people in the movie.

Although there were no Jewish people in this story, I found myself relating to so much that went on.  There are times when I cry out to G-d.  There are times I don't understand why things happen.  There are also times when it seems like everyone around me is happy, but I feel so alone and seek G-d for answers.

The story is supposed to inspire, but for me, it confirmed that I just don't belong in a "church-like" world.  The God in this movie is a different God than the Jewish God.

Humanistic Judaism

Humanistic Judaism combines Jewish identity and culture with a human centered approach to life.

Humanistic Jews celebrate Jewish identity and use poetry and prose to express that connection. Humanistic Jews sing Jewish songs in English, Hebrew, and Yiddish.

I wish I could visit a Humanistic Jewish congregation and see what it is like. I'm not sure such an approach to Judaism is for me since from what I've read, Humanistic Jews don't believe in God.

I do believe in God so very much.  I just can't seem to be able to seek God alone, and God seems to be farther and farther away from me lately.  This is also why I haven't written much on this blog in the past month or so.  I need some sort of spiritual recharge...