I'm hurting right now, and I'm writing this story out. This story is tells the facts about why I'm hurting so much. Once I've written about what is bothering me, I will forget about it...that's my way.
Here's what is on my mind:
Way back when...in our Atherton House days, when Dan and I shared a commune type house, we cherished the friendship we had with all the "brothers" in our house, including Don van Fossen. Don was a gentle soul who smiled all the time, played the guitar and banjo, and built furniture. He married Laurie, who lived in a house full of girls that we called The Harvard House, and life for all of us then seemed like a fairy tale. We all should have lived "happily ever after." We were all young and in our twenties.
I remember the day Don and Laurie got engaged. I remember their wedding. They held hands, played the guitar together, and smiled. Life was ahead of them and life was also ahead of Dan and I. We all seemed so much in love.
As the years passed, Dan and I lost touch with the Van Fossens, but we did exchange holiday cards. Life moved on. We heard about their three children and we might have sent birth announcements about our three children.
Our life in Long Beach faded when we moved away first to San Francisco and then Colorado, and when we visited Long Beach, we rarely connected with the people we knew "way back when."
That all changed when my mother died on January 29, 2011.
A couple weeks after she died, I was in Long Beach with my dad and brother and sister for her funeral. The day after the funeral, on a Saturday, my dad took my brother to the airport and called me. He seemed frantic.
"Can we go out to breakfast Jo Ann? I need to be with family now. Billy leaving today made that clear," said my dad with a heartbroken voice.
I replied that I would love to go out to eat, but wanted to walk, not drive, to a local neighborhood diner called The Small Cafe which is located on 2nd Street in Naples near our family's Long Beach condo.
As we began our walk, my dad saw that a realty office was open, and told me he wanted to stop there. I told him that I needed to get some photos developed at the Rite Aid store that was near the restaurant, so I continued on my way. I told him after I took care of the photos, I'd meet him inside the cafe.
Inside the Rite Aid store, I couldn't figure out how to use their photo machines, so decided to get in line to ask how they worked. In front of me in that line was a very tall man. When that man turned around, we looked at one another, and realized we knew one another! It was Don van Fossen from the Atherton House! I could not believe it and you can't imagine how many times we hugged. What a wonderful surprise!
I then asked Don to come inside The Small Cafe restaurant to meet my dad, and it seemed like the interaction Don had with my dad helped heal his wounded soul. My close friend Marion and her husband Bruce came to the restaurant next, and reunioned with Don too. Then, later my cousin, Cheri, stopped by. By the time my dad and I left The Small Cafe, my father's spirits were high and I truly believed God had given me and my dad that special day which all began with that reunion with Don.
When I returned to Colorado, I mailed Don some photos of my family and the above photo of the two of us which my dad took at The Small Cafe since he did not have internet access or email or Facebook. Dan also called Don. It was nice to reconnect.
Two years passed.
On Christmas eve 2013, I found myself alone in Long Beach once again. That trip had originally been a wonderful family vacation that had ended with illness. I had been so sick that I had been unable to travel back to Colorado, and then my dad ended up catching what I had and had become even sicker than I . He was in the hospital and it was Christmas eve. I decided to take my scooter on 2nd Street in Belmont Shore to relieve some of the stress that had made me so upset while my dad had been hospitalized, and on my way back to our family's condo, I heard my name called.
"Jo Ann?!"....I turned around and it was Don!
Of course, we hugged again. This time, I had so many needs and poured out my thoughts.
Don listened as we sat on the bench in front of the fire station on 2nd Street. I told him I no longer believed in God, but he responded with words that seemed to say that even if I did not believe, that God was still there for me and always would be. He told me too that seeing me on Christmas eve had been a Christmas present for him and also gave me a sandwich that he'd bought at Subway to give to someone who needed it on Christmas eve. The sandwich would become a perfect meal for my dad on Christmas day, since the hospital released my dad a few hours later. Seeing Don that day had been a Christmas present for me too.
Months passed. I mailed Don a printed story that I wrote about The Atherton House when I returned home to Colorado.
Then summer 2013 came. 2013 had become an eventful year for me since in February, I'd decided that God was real, and I had a desire to go to church when our family visited Long Beach.
I thought perhaps going with Don would help me want to go, so I wrote him about going with him during our family's vacation. Don wrote back and invited me and Dan to breakfast after church. I explained that Dan would not want to go to church, but we'd all be able to go out afterwards. A day and time was set.
Going to church with Don was nice. On the way to Calvary Chapel of Downey, we stopped by the former Atherton House and took some photos. It was even nicer when Dan, Don, and I had breakfast together at Hof's Hut. It was was great for the three of us to be together. Don mentioned that he hoped someday to "wake up from the bad dream" he'd lived and hoped his ex-wife, Laurie, would change her mind and want to be married again. We did not respond, but hoped Don's wish could come true.
A week later, I wanted to go to church again. Don picked me up and asked to take me an Dan to breakfast again, but I explained to him, that Dan had left for Colorado already, but I'd love to go to breakfast again.
I thought of Don as a "long lost brother," and had no issues with us spending time together. During that breakfast, both of us shared personal stories about our marriages. Don and Laurie were now divorced.
Don's life now consisted of living with his mother in Huntington Beach, going to work at Calvary Chapel Downey in maintenance, and taking care of his mother who suffered from Alzeihmer's after work and on weekends. Sunday mornings were Don's time for himself since his sister took his mother to church.
I asked Don how, after so much sadness, that he could still believe in a loving God. He told me that he might have, for a moment, shaken his fist at God, but just had never walked away.
I shared some of the painful and very personal memories I had from Dan's accident with Don. It just seemed that Don had come back into my life at a time that I needed. After breakfast, Don met my kids and we hugged and said good-bye again.
When I returned to Colorado Springs, I sent Don the draft of the book I wrote about my spiritual journey.
When I returned to Long Beach in October, I wrote Don, and asked to go to church with him again. I didn't think it felt appropriate to ask about breakfast alone, so suggested we go out to eat together with my dad, but after church, Don asked me if it would be okay to take me out to eat without my dad.
During that breakfast, again at Hof's Hut, Don acted like a pastor. He looked at me with loving eyes and spoke to me directly with a smile that showed concern and with an encouraging and strong voice.
"I read your entire manuscript," said Don. "I could hardly put it down. It was like reading Anne Frank's journal. You've been through so much; take it slow, Jo Ann, and know that God loves you very much."
We talked for what seemed like hours in a corner of Hof's Hut in a booth near the restrooms that was located at the back of the restaurant. The servers kept pouring coffee as we talked and I believe both of us felt God's presence and guidance as we shared that time together. We both agreed that our reunion had been for a reason and in "God's time" and that God has used Don to encourage and guide me.
After that long meal, Don drove me back to our Long Beach condo, and we said our good-byes and hugged. I mentioned the entire family would be in Long Beach again for Thanksgiving, but Don told me that it would probably not work out to get together since he'd be with his own family during that time, but maybe we'd connect.
The day was Sunday, October 28, 2013.
That date is significant, since on November 8, 2013, just about a week later, Don suddenly announced on Facebook that he was engaged.
The announcement took me by surprise, since he had not mentioned he'd been seeing anyone, but I congratulated Don via Facebook and also via text. Others congratulated him too.
As our plans to visit Long Beach before Thanksgiving came closer, I wrote Don about perhaps getting together with Dan and I to meet his fiancee, but also told him I figured they'd be busy, so if nothing could be worked out, of course we'd understand.
Then, while I was in Oakland at the Pacific Coast Figure Skating Championships, just two weeks after the November 8, 2013 engagement announcement, on Monday, November 25, 2013, Don announced that he and Sherry had gone to Big Bear and got married!
I was very excited for Don and wrote another note of congratulations, and wrote him again about trying to connect during our family's Long Beach visit, but figured it would not work out since so much change had happened and so quickly.
Every day after that updates kept coming in on Facebook about Don's and Sherry's happiness. I rejoiced and so did others.
Don even shared the following on Facebook:
"November has been Wonderful! What a Counselor we have! How Beautiful our Savior! Loving our Heavenly Father!...we who know "the ashes" the unanswered prayer... Please know that your hope is not lost! If you know Sherry Nelson and I please know your hope is not lost! Dancing will be yours! Joy for tears! All will be beautiful in "the land of the living" we are proof Your Heavenly Father hears you and though He is always late He is always on time!"
Reading what Don had to say made me feel happy. It seemed like Don and Sherry were enjoying their new married life together so much, so I decided to buy a card and send them a small gift. I spent a great deal of time looking or the right card and found one that said what I wanted. I wrote in the card that Don had shared about his personal sorrow and I knew Sherry had been through a lot even though I didn't really know her, since on Facebook I'd learned that she was a fairly recent widow. Her husband had been in a wheelchair and it looked like she'd taken care of him. There had been much sorrow in her life, and I was so happy that that sorrow had been changed to happiness and joy so quickly.
Don and Sherry continued to share their happiness on Facebook and I rejoiced. I invited them one more time to get together before I left for Colorado, but figured they still were too busy adjusting.
As I was packing to leave Long Beach, I thought about how everything had come together for Don. I then figured something must have come into place as far as the caretaking of his mother. It seemed God had worked a great miracle, and I was curious how that miracle had come about too, so I texted Don and asked who was taking care of his mother.
About an hour later, I heard from Don via text, but didn't notice his response included an exclamation point.
"Did you ask who is taking care of my mother!?" asked Don.
I replied, "Yes, my mind wonders about things."
"Good-bye Dan and Jo Ann." Don replied.
"What had I done?" I thought. Obviously, I'd asked a question that should not have been asked. I pleaded with Don to reconsider. By accident, he sent also me a text, meant for his wife, saying he was saying good-bye to Dan and Jo Ann and hoped she'd understand. After a couple more text messages, we parted on what I thought was a good note with Don requesting that he wished to interact only with Dan and I as a couple. I accepted his request.
Near the end of the day I heard from Sherry via text. Her message was very sweet and explained that she and Don were still on their honeymoon and wanted to be free of social and ministry commitments. I understood.
A week later, Dan wrote a group text to Don, me, and Sherry saying how happy we were for them. Sherry replied and all seemed "good," but Don stopped the entire conversation and implied that he did not want further interaction and hoped Dan would understand.
I'm hurt. Dan is hurt. Neither of us understand. We thought Don was our friend and was like a brother. He was like family. We were so happy to have reconnected and I really thought my contact with Don was from God. Obviously, it wasn't. Why would God put me through such pain? I don't get it. Don has succeeded in breaking our hearts.
On Saturday, December 14, 2013, Don wrote the following on Facebook:
Everyday is a dream come true with my love Sherry Van Fossen . We share God's Word, pray for our awesome friends , laugh, pot roast last night (no more "Swansons frozen dinners"! Yes!) & enjoy "The goodness of Lord in the land of the living!" & if you're wondering if we have our "moments"...(of course ) but that's fun too! It's "the mystery" (Paul writes) of becoming one in the marriage; Christ and His Church...a joy-filled, life-long-love relationship we have with Jesus & each other... Life is good...real good. Thankyou Lord, for my fun-loving bride, Sherry!!!
I know those who read this might not understand what I'm about to say, but this whole thing has made me never again want to reach out and try to go to church with anyone ever again. I just don't want to go and try again, at least at this time. I don't even want to log into an online service. I know "you can never say never," but for now, I will seek God my own way and do it alone and will try to stay away from people like Don van Fossen who can at first give me so much and make me so happy, but then hurt me and Dan while praising Jesus at the same time.
(Note: I know I should try to talk to Don about this on the phone perhaps, but since he has requested as little contact with me and Dan as possible, that is difficult, so, I've written this out and will move on......I have also been told that friends can let you down and are sometimes for a season, but God does not change or let anyone down...I know that, but that doesn't mean I will try to "fellowship.")
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12-18-2013
Pastor:
I appreciated your phone call yesterday.
I have decided that it is best just to move on and not bother Don and his wife with this issue or misunderstanding.
If you have not already spoken with Don, please forget the issue. If you have spoken with Don, ask him to try to forgive me for the hurt or pain I might have caused him. Tell him I am happy to see him so happy and wish him the best.
Also, if you have already spoken with Don, tell him I am sorry to have bothered him and that my husband, Dan, and I will move on and just remember and cherish the happy times and the fond memories we once had.
Tell Don it was good to reunite during the past few years and we'll cherish those happy memories too.
Perhaps someday all of us can hug like Jacob and Esau did and then go on our way.
Pray for me that somehow and someday I'll want to fellowship again. Pray for my husband and three children too.
Best,
JO ANN Schneider Farris
719-291-0620
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