Rosh Hashanah 2022 was a sad day for me - I cried all day long

Rosh Hashanah in the Mountains 9/26/2022

Usually I just love Rosh Hashanah, but this year’s holiday on Monday 9/26/2022 was different for me.  I just seemed to cry and cry all day long.

I went to the mountains like I do every year when I am in Colorado for the holiday, but the memories of the past kept resurfacing and I actually was in emotional pain this year.

I kept seeing memories of my dad being with me on the holiday.  I saw memories of my children being young and playing in the mountains.  I saw people who I have seen every year for over 25 years at Rosh Hashanah in the mountains and it was good to see them, but I also sensed that their lives too have changed since we all first met when our kids were young.   I saw memories of just having a happy day as a family together.  Some of those memories made me remember how much I loved our Rosh Hashanah holidays together as a family.

The new year made me reflect on all the losses that have occurred since last Rosh Hashanah.  I remember my dear friend Hellene being there with us for so many Rosh Hashanah holidays and how wonderful it was to be with her too.  It was if I heard her voice.  I wish she had not died.

There was a part of the service where they asked for those who experienced loss in the past year to come to the front for the Misheberach healing prayers.  Just realizing that I needed to come up made me cry.

Between the service in the mountains and the Tashlich service at a park in town, Annabelle, Joel, and I went hiking.  I cried and cried during the hike. 

I am smiling in this photo, but a few minutes before it was taken, I was in tears.

I cried when we ate apples and honey together.  I cried at the Tashlich service as we threw bread remembering and reflecting on the year to come in a flowing stream.  I cried when it was time for my daughter Annabelle to leave.  I cried when I went to bed.  

Things are just not the same and I’m wondering if I should be in Colorado at all.  Memories are surfacing and there are too many memories of a life that no longer exists.