Every time I read exit stories about people leaving their Hassidic worlds and communities, I am haunted.
I read the book UnOrthodox by Deborah Feldman years ago and I was horrified, so I expected the worst when I decided to watch the new Netflix series UnOrthodox. (Below is the review I wrote of the book eight years ago.)
This plot is fascinating since Etsy wants to be a good wife and have babies, but right after her arranged marriage occurs, she and her husband can't consumate their marriage and produce a baby because Etsy suffers pain. Etsy's husband, Yanky, confides in his mother which makes things worse. What this shows is that it is considered best in Chassidic circles to divorce then to be childless.
Etsy finally does get pregnant, but finds out just before her husband tells her that he wants a divorce. (She was about to tell him she was pregnant, but didn't get to.)
After the divorce request, Etsy flees her life in New York and goes to Germany where her mother lives. It turns out that Etsy was taken from her mother when she was three years old, after her mother left the Satmar community, but was told that her mother deserted her. How horribly painful that story is too.
In this Netflix series, the story jumps back and forth from Etsy's fleeing from New York to flashbacks on what her life had been like as a Satmar.
From what I observed, Orthodox Judaism and traditions are very beautiful, but when one doesn't fit in the expected mold, there is no place for that person.
The short four episode series ends with Etsy making the decision not to go back.as she begins to make a life for herself in Germany. If the series continues, I imagine there will be a legal battle from her Chassidic community for custody of her baby. Etsy will find her place in the secular world, but also continue to enjoy Jewish traditions in the best way she can.
I felt so sorry for Etsy's husband Yanky. He just wants life to be normal and have his wife and baby back. I wish both Etsy and Yanky could have begun a new life together rather than Yanky being so confused. I imagine getting his child would completely take over his being if this plot continues. It seems like he really loves Etsy too.
This series was is chilling, but also probably authentic. Of course it made me be so very glad I was not born into a community like Etsy (the main character in the Netflix series) was born into.
I need to re-read Deborah Feldman's book again so I can compare the true story with the fictitious one on Netflix. As you can see below, in 2012, after I reviewed Feldman's book, I was told it was a work of fiction, but now I'm convinced more than ever that every word was true.
Customer Review
Reviewed in the United States on March 3, 2012
I heard about the book Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots from a Jewish women's online discussion group. I thought I might as well read it.
Once it arrived, I couldn't put the book down since it was so upsetting!
For years, I've studied with a program called Partners In Torah. I've admired Orthodox Jews because of that experience.
My Partners In Torah study partner has taken me on a tour of Orthodox Jewish life and I've only heard and learned positive things. What she describes is a loving community, a loving family, and a God that she and those around her seek in such a wonderful way. The rules surrounding Orthodox Judaism don't seem like rules when we talk.
I'm also now studying with a program called TorahMates. I've only talked to my study partner three times so far, but her world, too, is a wonderful place. Yes, there are rules and restrictions, but again, it seems that that those rules and restrictions just make connections to G-d stronger.
I've also admired the Chabad Lubavitch, an ultra-Orthodox Jewish sect whose mission is to educate Jews all over the world about Judaism.
Through Chabad, and also through Partners in Torah and now Torah Mates, I've learned so many things. For example, I wouldn't know about Jewish weddings, marriage contracts, Jewish marriage rituals, Shabbos, Passover, Purim, how to read Hebrew, and lots of other things if it hadn't been for my contact with these groups and for their willingness to share information with me.
It just never occurred to me that some Chasidic Jews felt trapped in that world and wanted out.
Deborah Feldman tells her story "like it is." Deborah Feldman tells the truth. She just wanted "out." She just told her story.
As I read Deborah Feldman's story, I was horrified! I have heard about almost everything she described.
I had always thought of the Mikvah experience as a wonderful experience. Feldman's experiences were awful.
I thought of family in her community as the most wonderful thing in the world. Her family was not a wonderful. It didn't seem like she was ever loved.
Until I read this book, I thought Jewish day schools and Jewish camps were special places; now, I'm not so sure.
One thing I am sure of: I'm so glad I was not born into a Chasidic family! I'm so glad my parents and grand-parents were "your average secular Jews" and not "religious fanatics!" I'm also sure that I would never want to venture into any fanatical religious world or into any place where religious practices, thoughts, or rules could control my life or the lives of those I love.
Once it arrived, I couldn't put the book down since it was so upsetting!
For years, I've studied with a program called Partners In Torah. I've admired Orthodox Jews because of that experience.
My Partners In Torah study partner has taken me on a tour of Orthodox Jewish life and I've only heard and learned positive things. What she describes is a loving community, a loving family, and a God that she and those around her seek in such a wonderful way. The rules surrounding Orthodox Judaism don't seem like rules when we talk.
I'm also now studying with a program called TorahMates. I've only talked to my study partner three times so far, but her world, too, is a wonderful place. Yes, there are rules and restrictions, but again, it seems that that those rules and restrictions just make connections to G-d stronger.
I've also admired the Chabad Lubavitch, an ultra-Orthodox Jewish sect whose mission is to educate Jews all over the world about Judaism.
Through Chabad, and also through Partners in Torah and now Torah Mates, I've learned so many things. For example, I wouldn't know about Jewish weddings, marriage contracts, Jewish marriage rituals, Shabbos, Passover, Purim, how to read Hebrew, and lots of other things if it hadn't been for my contact with these groups and for their willingness to share information with me.
It just never occurred to me that some Chasidic Jews felt trapped in that world and wanted out.
Deborah Feldman tells her story "like it is." Deborah Feldman tells the truth. She just wanted "out." She just told her story.
As I read Deborah Feldman's story, I was horrified! I have heard about almost everything she described.
I had always thought of the Mikvah experience as a wonderful experience. Feldman's experiences were awful.
I thought of family in her community as the most wonderful thing in the world. Her family was not a wonderful. It didn't seem like she was ever loved.
Until I read this book, I thought Jewish day schools and Jewish camps were special places; now, I'm not so sure.
One thing I am sure of: I'm so glad I was not born into a Chasidic family! I'm so glad my parents and grand-parents were "your average secular Jews" and not "religious fanatics!" I'm also sure that I would never want to venture into any fanatical religious world or into any place where religious practices, thoughts, or rules could control my life or the lives of those I love.
No comments:
Post a Comment