My thoughts on the phrase "I Love You"

I have been thinking about the phrase "I love you."

If a person treats family or friends badly, the statement "I love you" is a lie, so why say the phrase at all?

I Am So, So Sad

During the past couple of months, I've been so, so sad.

Yes, someone I loved died recently and yes, someone I love lost a loved one.  My children have grown up, and I'm feeling a bit of the empty nest although they are still very much a part of my life.  My father is now 90 years old, and needs me more than ever.

I have reasons to be sad.  I have reasons to be overwhelmed.  I have reasons to cry.

But...

All these reasons above are not what have caused this continuing and overwhelming sadness.

My sadness comes because someone I care about so very much is angry at me some of the time and no matter what I do, our relationship is strained.  The pain is so great that the sadness never leaves my being.

I've tried to make things right, but things are not really better.

I do fun things that put a "band-aid" on the sadness, but that doesn't really matter since the sadness just won't go away which makes me sadder.

If anyone reads this, pray for me...

Was the Story In Not Without My Daughter Totally True?

I think most people remember the 1991 movie "Not Without My Daughter" starring Sally Field.  It showed the story of how Betty Mahmoody and  her little daughter Mahtob who were held against their will in Iran for 18 months after what was supposed to be a two week vacation to visit her native born Iranian husband Moody's family.  Dr. Mahmoody had lived in America for 20 years, and it seemed that a visit was okay, but instead, Moody (the nickname Betty called him) changed once back in his home country, and Betty experienced a nightmare and had to escape Iran.   She would not leave without her daughter Mahtob.

After recently watching that movie again, I decided I had to read the books associated with the story.  I did not only read the books, but I watched numerous videos.

Not only did Betty Mahmoody write a book, but the daughter, little Mahtob, who is now grown up (I believe she is now 40 years old) has published her story too.

And...Betty's ex-husband, Sayyed Bozorg Mahmoody, wrote a book too that tells his side of the story.  The book dragged a bit and was poorly written.  It is clear that he wished to prove somehow that he was innocent and he wanted to "get back" at his ex-wife for sharing the story.

Dr. Mahmoody, who was always called Moody by Betty, passed away in 2009, but before he died, a documentary was made that also told his story.  He denied Betty's claim that she and Mahtob were forced to stay in Iran and that they were tricked into going there.  (Apparently, after the book and movie came out, Iranians were angry at him for causing their country and culture to look so primitive and barbaric and his life was miserable.)  He claimed that almost all that Betty said was true was really false.

 I read "My Name Is Mahtob" first before I read "Not Without My Daughter."  I also watched the documentary that showed Dr. Mahmoody's point of view and watched YouTube interviews with both Mahtob and Betty.

After reading and watching everything, I have come to the conclusion that most likely Betty's story is true, but could have been dramatized just a bit.  The Iranian culture is so different than our American culture, that Moody may have not known how much of a "monster" he was to his wife and daughter.

Mahtob has shadowy memories in her head of what happened, so it is hard to know for sure that what she described could be just a child's memories or what her mother told her.  Most of her book is about her life since she returned to the US which can be disappointing to a reader who wants answers, but how could a child who was only four to six years old, put together an entire book that shared what happened in detail?

In his book and also the documentary, Dr. Mahmoody told Betty's story from his point of view and his point of view only.  Betty vividly describes her husband beating her, but then he instead says she hit him!

Moody explained why things are done in Iran and says that Betty just didn't understand how things were done.  He makes her look stubborn, ignorant, and angry.  He also stated that Betty was really from a poor American and uneducated family and almost hinted she was "white trailer trash" and that he rescued her from poverty.  He said he gave her a comfortable life, and that while they were living in the USA, that she took off more than once with all their savings and left him, but then returned.

Sayyed Bozorg Mahmoody was a short, balding, and somewhat overweight man; he was not the tall and handsome and strong man that was the actor in the "Not Without My Daughter" movie, so it is a bit hard to picture this weak looking man with glasses as the evil and strong monster that Betty described.  Dr. Mahmoody used his true appearance to show that perhaps Betty's story, book, and movie was exaggerated and untrue. Mahtob, however, remembers and says her father did become a monster and remembers her father hitting her and Betty.

Mahtob remembers going to school in Iran and shares bleak memories of those school days.  She tells about how the children could only color with dark crayons and were taught to chant "Death to America!"  I'm so glad she was able to get out of Iran and grew up in the good old USA!  Her father said Mahtob loved school and was in the top of her class in Iran, but Mahtob describes school in Iran as being torture for her.

Dr. Mahmoody wanted more than anything to reconcile with Mahtob, but that never happened.  As she grew up, Mahtob was terribly afraid of him and would have nothing to do with him. She even went to school under a false name and Betty and Mahtob tried to hide the best they could.  When the internet made it possible for her father to find her, Mahtob refused any contact.  Betty and Mahtob lived their lives, even after they were safely back in the USA with the fear that Mahtob could possibly be taken away by Moody.

No matter what, this is a terribly sad and uncomfortable story and I would think after knowing about it that most American women would be smart enough to know that getting involved with a man from a culture where women's rights are so different is not a good idea.

Review of Shtisel and Srugim - Two Israeli Television Soap Operas

I was hooked on the Israeli television Shtisel for the early part of 2019.  I was so hooked on the series that I couldn't wait to get into my Netflix account on my Kindle Fire and find out what was going to happen next.  I was totally addicted and became a Shtisel binge watcher!

When I realized that the show ended abruptly at the end of Season 2, I almost didn't know what to do with myself!  I learned so much about the Hasidic Ultra-Orthodox Jewish world from watching that show.  I could not wait to ask my study partners from Partners in Torah and Torah Mates about what I saw. 

Fortunately, I then discovered Srugim on Amazon Prime, which is kind of Israel's equivalent to one of my favorite old television shows from the late 1980s called Thirtysomething.  Srugim is about modern religious Orthodox (not Hasidic) singles and young married couples who are in their late 20s and early 30s.  They are close friends living in Jerusalem who get together almost every Friday night for Shabbat dinner.  The show shows their lives during the week and also on Shabbat.

Both shows must be watched with English subtitles, but I think I may have picked up a bit of Hebrew and even some Yiddish just from watching.  I have to really concentrate when I watch these shows and try not to miss anything that the subtitles say.

Srugim, like Shtisel, has taught me a lot about Judaism.  It's been wonderful to "experience Shabbat" when I watch the show.  Jerusalem looks almost "heavenly" on Shabbat mornings.  There are a lot of "Shabbat Shalom" greetings and there is also a peace in the city.  People are not rushing to do things.

I also relate to one character in particular in Srugim named Hodaya.  That character plays a rabbi's daughter who decides after the first season to "no longer be religious."  She dramatically changes and becomes very secular in Season Two.  Her friends and family believe that her decision to no longer be religious is temporary, but she has no intention of ever returning.  I too, have no intention of going back to the world of xtianity, even though, like many young Jews, I once explored that route and was once part of that community.

Shtisel 

Shtisel takes the viewer into the Ultra-Orthodox Jewish world and into the Ultra-Orthodox world in Jerusalem. It is interesting to to see Jerusalem and see the Hasidim live separately, but also be among the secular and non-hasidic Jews in Israel.

When I went to Israel in April of 2019, I was fascinated to see that what I saw in Shtisel was accurate.  I had to be careful to not stare at all the Haredi families I saw since I felt that Shtisel had given me a glimpse into their world.

Srugim's Main Characters - Reut, Nati, Hifat, Amir, and Hodaya

In Srugim, some of the scenes take place in coffee houses and in Tel Aviv, so now that I have been there, I like it so much when I see the places I visited.  I recognized Tel Aviv's beaches in the show since I went there so many times with my daughter. Seeing the show helps me to feel that I'm still in Israel and I wish I could spend more time there, especially in Jerusalem.

Shtisel's main character, Shulem Shtisel, is a recent widower who is the head of a very large extended family and his life, along with the lives of his children and grandchildren are shown.  Shulem makes certain mistakes that drastically affect the lives of his family.  Some reviewers say that he is not a good person, but I disagree.  He's an Ultra-Orthodox man who knows only one way of life. His way of life and his only way of thinking and living affects everyone he comes in contact with.

Shulem's. youngest son, Akiva (called Kive by his close family members) is a talented artist.  Being an artist does not really mix with being Hasidic, and that causes some conflict and also caused Kive to not be able to successfully get engaged or stay engaged.

I thought the episode where Shulem reconciles with a daughter who lives in Nahariya interesting because it showed how angry Shulem was with her decision to become Chabad.  I didn't know how angry the Haredi sects are with the Lubavitch due to their belief that their dead Rebbe is the Messiah.  It was fun for me to visit Nahariya during my trip to Israel and ride on the same train that perhaps Shulem and Kive took there.

Both Shtisel and Srugim show how important family and marriage and children are in the Orthodox Jewish culture.  Also, in Shtisel, the men smoke constantly and there sure is a lot of eating and drinking!

I have enjoyed seeing a Bris, seeing wedding celebrations, engagement gatherings, sitting Shiva, morning prayers, and holiday celebrations.

I wonder what I will watch when I complete the third season of Srugim?  I have heard that Shtisel will continue for a third season though...yippee!

Also, Facebook has groups that discuss both Shtisel and Srugim, so I now can discuss what may be my two favorite Israeli television shows with others who like the shows as much as I do!