Leaving Orthodox Judaism

Below is a post that was written by a person who has left Orthodox Judaism.  I learned a lot from reading this.  I had no idea that a person could not pet a dog on Shabbat!  Wow....

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~Two years ago today, our family made a decision to leave somewhat-ultra Orthodox Judaism. There are many people who are very happy living an Orthodox life... I support them. And, there are many who are *not* happy with that life.

Many unhappy people stay because leaving is so difficult and comes with so many risks. I wish that those who are unhappy would feel or be able to leave if they wanted.

We left.

One of the things we no longer do is keep the Sabbath/Shabbat/Shabbos. Shabbat had some beautiful positives -- (some of) the food, the family dinners, some of the social aspects, the disconnection from the world (to a degree.)

But... I would never want to go back to strict shabbat observance. The positive things that come with the Sabbath are best enjoyed for an hour or so... not 25 hours. And you don't *need* Shabbat to have those things.

There is a romanticized version of the sabbath that non-religious people sometimes have, and there is a romanticized version that is often sold to people by groups hoping to encourage people to be more religious.

Shabbat was terrible for my mental health. If I was somewhat sad on Thursday, on Shabbat I'd fall into a much deeper depression. If I was slightly worried, on the Shabbat I'd fall into a hole of anxiety and fear.

Not to mention almost constantly thinking about what you're allowed or not allowed to do.

I couldn't do any of the things that make me feel better -- like play music, listen to music, exercise, distract myself with work or activities, or connect with people who were not literally standing beside me.

Today is Saturday, which means if I was still Orthodox, I'd be keeping the Sabbath right now. My day would look extremely different. Extremely.

Here's a list of things I did today that I would *not* had been able to do if I were still Orthodox... most of these are shabbat related, but not all... starting from the moment I woke up until now.

If I were still Orthodox, I would not have been able to...
~ turn off my alarm clock in the morning
~ turn on the bathroom light (can't use any electricity)
~ rip toilet paper (would have had to use pre-ripped sheets or tissues)
~ wash my hands with warm water (can only use cold water)
~ brush my teeth
~ take a warm (or any) shower
~ wash my hair
~ use bar soap when in the shower (only allowed to use watery liquid soap)
~ put on deodorant (unless it were liquid or in spray form, which it wasn't)
~ wear leggings and a tank top (that wouldn't be allowed on any day)
~ brush my hair thoroughly
~ check my phone (or use my phone at all, for anything)
~ open the refrigerator (because the light turns on when you open it)
~ warm up what I ate for breakfast (not allowed to cook or warm up food on shabbat)
~ use my laptop
~ leave the house with my hair uncovered (true any day of the week)
~ drive (or get into my car)
~ carry things like my laptop and backpack or keys or anything outside by the gym (way too difficult to explain but.. trust me... no carrying outside)
~ use the toilets at the gym (because they have electric sensors)
~ listen to music
~ talk on the phone
~ dance in Zumba (couldn't have done that even not on a Saturday, not with men present)
~ lift weights with my best friend (or even have him as my best friend ... this would be true on any day, not just the sabbath)
~ eat whatever I had for lunch (it was warmed up, plus not kosher)
~ eat whatever I had for a snack (required electricity to be made)
~ pet and be affectionate with dogs, which are not my own
~ type up this Facebook post

... I might be forgetting things.

If we were still Orthodox, I would probably be taking a nap right now or just waking up from one and trying to make the day go by faster so I could do things and be productive when it was all over... which wouldn't be until 7:14 tonight.

I'd probably be anxious and overthinking things because I had so few ways to keep busy.

Instead, I spent today being productive, exercising, relaxing, working on my laptop, dancing, listening to music, eating "freshly" warmed up food, socializing with people who don't only live in walking distance, talking to people on the phone who are in another city...

It's a very different life.

My entire social circle, I wouldn't know or have 99% of those people in my life. I would be missing out on so many friendships.

Just after we left Orthodoxy, we felt like we had lost everything. My best friend kicked me out of her house, slammed the door behind me, and never spoke or even texted me again. All but about three people from my old social circles remained friendly or friends with me. My kids lost almost all of their friends.

But... with time, we made new friends. We made a new life. And it's so much better. So much happier.