My Two Identities

I saw this movie once about a guy who had two lives. He actually had two wives. One wife had children and with that wife he led a traditional existence. The other wife didn't want children. When he was with that wife, he led the life of a free person who did lots of wild things.

He didn't want either wife to know he had a very different life somewhere else and with someone else. I recall he was happy with that existence until somehow he got caught!

Okay...now I'm not doing that...I don't have two different families or anything...but...

There are two of ME sort of:

One is Jo Ann the Jew who has loves being Jewish. That person is open about who she is and what her family believes and is comfortable sharing how she worships G-d as a Jew. That person fits into the Colorado Springs Jewish community and is passing her love of Judaism on to her children. That person loves G-d with her whole heart, but is open and thinks that whatever way someone chooses to follow God is okay. That person is happy with being Jewish and sees lots of wonderful things in the Jewish way of life.

The other is Jo Ann, who is Jewish, who maybe would like to explore or follow Jesus just in case that is the way to God. That person doesn't want anyone (except for a select few) to know she is considering any of "this." That person is also having a hard time believing there is only one way to God, but seems to be seeking something. That person is uncomfortable with a lot of things she associates with Christianity.

When these two identities meet, there seems to be a battle inside of me. Sometimes I cringe thinking about even exploring anything Christian, but yet, something keeps telling me I should not totally walk away from it.