Movie Review: Letters to God

Last night, I wanted to watch a movie on my Kindle Fire, and came across "Letters to God."  

The movie is based on a true story.

The story is about a little boy named Tyler who is dying of cancer.  Every day, Tyler writes letters to God.  His faith is sweet and innocent.  He doesn't give up, although those around him want to give up.

What his family is going through is horrible and also, some of the people around him are also facing horrible things.  Faith and prayer is what keeps many of the characters in the movie going.

Tyler even sends a loving letter to a boy that bullies him about his illness because he wants to love others the way God does.  That boy does change his attitude.

Tyler gets others to look at their own lives.  They call out to God and then their lives do change.

I had no idea, when I started watching the movie, that is was a Christian movie.  In fact, many of the "good people" in the movie seemed to be gentile church-goers.  There is nothing wrong with gentile church-goers, that just caught me by surprise.  There seemed to be no Jewish people in the movie.

Although there were no Jewish people in this story, I found myself relating to so much that went on.  There are times when I cry out to G-d.  There are times I don't understand why things happen.  There are also times when it seems like everyone around me is happy, but I feel so alone and seek G-d for answers.

The story is supposed to inspire, but for me, it confirmed that I just don't belong in a "church-like" world.  The God in this movie is a different God than the Jewish God.

Humanistic Judaism

Humanistic Judaism combines Jewish identity and culture with a human centered approach to life.

Humanistic Jews celebrate Jewish identity and use poetry and prose to express that connection. Humanistic Jews sing Jewish songs in English, Hebrew, and Yiddish.

I wish I could visit a Humanistic Jewish congregation and see what it is like. I'm not sure such an approach to Judaism is for me since from what I've read, Humanistic Jews don't believe in God.

I do believe in God so very much.  I just can't seem to be able to seek God alone, and God seems to be farther and farther away from me lately.  This is also why I haven't written much on this blog in the past month or so.  I need some sort of spiritual recharge...

Easter Versus Passover - A Very Funny Video!!

This is a very funny video comparing Easter and Passover. Enjoy!

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
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My Book Review: Called to Controversy - The Unlikely Story of Moishe Rosen and the Founding of Jews for Jesus

I just finished reading Called to Controversy - The Unlikely Story of Moishe Rosen and the Founding of Jews for Jesus.

I must admit that I had not planned to read the book at all since I thought I already knew everything about Moishe Rosen and more than I wanted to know about Jews for Jesus.

I also have tried very hard for the last six months to bury most of my memories of Jews for Jesus.  I had decided to keep some doors to that group open, but just slightly through contact with just a few people associated with that organization.

I had come to the conclusion that I like being Jewish.   My family is Jewish.  I love being Jewish and seeking God as a Jew.    

What changed my mind about reading the Called to Controversy book was my daughter Annabelle's Amazon Kindle Reader. Our family was away for this past weekend in the mountains, and I realized I wanted to read before going to bed, but I had not brought a book to our vacation home.

Available electronically:

Annabelle showed me how to use her Kindle and I started browsing the Kindle Bookstore. Wow, what a wonderful invention the Kindle is!

 (Moishe would have loved having one by the way...he loved gadgets, I know...)

I discovered that having a Kindle is like being inside the best library or bookstore and being able to browse while laying down on a couch or bed.  How cool is that!?

Anyway,

I discovered that I could read a sample of the book about Moishe's life for free, and felt that I might as well since it would be good bedtime reading.

The "sample" turned out to be quite long and complete. I learned things about Moishe's early life that I never had heard about before. I was intrigued.  I wanted to read more.  The next morning, I clicked on "Buy This Book" and kept reading.

Now some background about my relationship with Moishe:

Unlike some readers, I actually know many of the people Ruth Rosen talks about in Moishe's biography. I've been inside of Moishe's house and have been inside of Jews for Jesus Headquarters many, many times. I took Ceil Rosen (Moishe's wife) ice skating several times and I recall helping his grandchildren ice skate too.  Moishe gave my husband Dan, and I, a beautiful Mezzuzah case to put on our doorpost of our home when we moved to Colorado over twenty years ago.  When my son, Joel, was born, Moishe gave me a coin that said, "For This Child I Prayed."  To celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary, Moishe officiated when we renewed our wedding vows under a traditional Jewish wedding Chuppah.

Moishe also spent hours talking on the phone, emailing, and chatting with me online in 2003.  As time passed, we did not communicate as frequently, but once in awhile he looked at videos of my children and praised their skating.  I have ate meals with Moishe.  And yes, he did touch and affect my life.

Some background on my relationship with Moishe's daughter Lyn and son-in-law Alan:

Shortly before my mother passed away in January of 2011, Moishe's daughter, Lyn, and his son-in-law, Alan, took the time to see me when I was visiting my mother in the Chicago area just before my mom died. It was December 26, 2010. We went to Panera bread and must have been together for at least two to three hours. Lyn brought her daughter Bethany's wedding album and shared it with me.

After they dropped me off at my mom's hospital room, I reflected on that encounter. Lyn's love of God radiated out of her, and also, I felt that some part of Moishe lived on through her. Alan also shared a love and concern for me and cared about what I was going through because of my mom's illness.  I was so, so moved.  Moishe had died only about six months before.

I also remember Lyn mentioning that the biography on her dad was almost ready to be published.  There was excitement in her voice as she talked about the book.

Background on my relationship with Moishe's daughter Ruth:

About a year before I met with Lyn and Alan, Moishe's other daughter and the author of Called to Controversy,  Ruth Rosen, had "unfriended me" on Facebook.

Sometimes I don't notice when I'm "unfriended," since I have so many "friends" on Facebook, but I noticed that I was no longer Ruth's friend on Facebook almost right away because Ruth had been posting updates on Moishe's health.  All of a sudden, there were no updates coming through my Facebook newsfeed.

I was genuinely interested in what was going on and asked Ruth if the "unfriending" could be undone, but Ruth explained that she really did not know me well enough to keep me linked to her as a Facebook friend during the time her father was dying.  I eventually accepted being unfriended.

Then, about four months ago, Ruth wrote to me again and told me she'd started a public page on Facebook and I could interact with her there if I wished.  I wrote her back and told her that I had come to the conclusion that I didn't want to hear about what people in Jews for Jesus were doing every time I opened Facebook.  In fact, I had taken the time to Unsubscribe most Jews for Jesus people from my Facebook newsfeed for that reason.  I told her I decided that I could never be part of Jews for Jesus again, but if I saw her or someone else that was part of that ministry, I could possibly hug them and move on just as Jacob and Esau did when they reunited and reconciled.

I did not think I would ever read her book, but I did not say that in my email.  Ruth wrote me a nice note back.

Now for my review of Called to Controversy - The Unlikely Story of Moishe Rosen and the Founding of Jews for Jesus:


I give it 3.75 Stars


Most people who have been a part of Jews for Jesus know the stories that are told in Ruth's book, but there were some stories I had not heard or don't remember hearing and have now heard again from another point of view.

Moishe Rosen's childhood and teen years were fun to read about.  I thought it was "so cool" that he met Ceil when she was only 14 years old.  I loved looking at a photos of Ceil and Moishe at 15.

I didn't know that Moishe stopped his occasional shoplifting to please Ceil.  I didn't know that he lied about his age (when he was only 16) to spend the summer in the National Guard and beat up his commanding officer when his Jewishness was attacked.

I didn't know that Moishe worked for Gart Brothers Sporting Goods.  I could imagine him selling sporting goods.  It was fun to see a photo of Moishe and Ceil as a young married couple too.

Reading about their conversion to Christianity made me very uncomfortable.

They immediately started going to church and dived right into the Christian world.  It was not easy for them to tell their immediate families, and I was sad to hear that Ceil's adoptive family cut off all ties.

I never knew that Moishe had a real experience of feeling called by God to Jewish missions.  He felt God had called him just as Paul the Apostle had been called.

The middle section of the book tells about Moishe's life after he left Denver to become a minister with the ABMJ (American Board of Missions to the Jews).  That section of the book is NOT an easy read and is so very boring in my opinion.  It seemed as if every single person who Moishe met and worked with was listed and mentioned.  That section of the book was not only boring, but it seemed that Moishe was bored and discouraged during that time.

I vaguely recall hearing that Moishe and Ceil had lost a baby, a son, during that period.  The book gives more details of that loss.  For a year after the stillborn baby died, Moishe only went through motions and the book says that his connection to God was gone during that time.

It was fun to read about Lyn and Ruth as babies, tots, young kids, and then teens.  I found out that Ruth almost didn't make it when she was a newborn baby.  I found out that Moishe wondered how he was going to pay Lyn's hospital bill.

It sounded like Ceil kept a wonderful home and I could picture the family having a wonderful time together at dinner.  I was impressed that Moishe took the time to make sure a store owner apologized to Lyn and a friend for falsely accusing the girls of shoplifting, but still got everyone home in time for dinner.

The last part of Called to Controversy is the best.  Maybe it is only the best for me since I know and knew so many of the people mentioned and was "there" when some of the things mentioned actually happened.

The early days of Jews for Jesus were exciting ones because the group started because hippies thought "Jesus was cool."  Moishe decided to minister to those hippies and "those hippies" were excited to serve God with Moishe and do radical things.  In 1977, I read a book called Jews for Jesus that Moishe wrote and was convinced after reading it that I wanted to join that "cool" scene.  Although I know that story well, it was fun to read it again in Ruth's book.

As Ruth discussed the 1970s to the 1980s and 1990s, I knew more and more of the people she mentioned in the book.

I found myself especially teary-eyed when I read how Moishe helped Sally Klein-O'Connor start Improbable People ministries and paid for her first album.  I remember being "there" when that happened.

Then, I broke down completely when I read how Moishe wished he could have been "there" or done something for someone he had once been close to who had been involved with Jews for Jesus whose child died of a heart condition.  I know who Ruth was talking about, and I never knew that Moishe cared at all for that family.  It broke my heart that they never could reconcile.

Reading about when Moishe gave up his position as  Executive Director was also interesting.  Moishe had shown me some of his online ministry tactics in 2003 and I even knew the person that was mentioned as helping him with that.

The end of the book also had me in tears as I read of Moishe's failing health and discovery that he had terminal cancer.  Reading about how his family was around him in his last days made me feel that I, and others who knew him, got to be there too.  I feel so privileged to personally know the members of his family and also some of the other people that were there for his family when he died.

I give this book 3.75 stars (not 4 or 5)  because, the middle section of the book is just so boring and is such a tedious read.  I can't believe anyone could really read that section without skipping to the end, but my Kindle made that hard to do.

I am glad I read Called to Controversy- The Unlikely Story of Moishe Rosen and the Founding of Jews for Jesus because I know that Moishe Rosen touched many, many lives, including mine.  Some people were touched in a positive way; others were not, but this story needed to be recorded somehow and somewhere.

Further Reading:

• My Memories of Moishe Rosen - By Jo Ann Schneider Farris, May, 2010
  

Circle Chant

I love ta song called "Circle Chant" from the Celebrate Passover CD.

Circle Chant

Music and Lyrics by Linda Hirschhorn

Circle round for freedom,
Circle round for peace.
For all of us imprisoned,
Circle for release.
Circle for the planet,
Circle for each soul.
For the children of our children,
Keep the circle whole.

It's a Passover song. The song shares the message of passing traditions on. I've been listening to the song every day for a week!

I think this is what the message of Judaism is. It is about the "Circle of Life." At Passover, I think about how it is so important for me to continue to pass some traditions on to my children. Hopefully, when they grow up and have their own families, that they will remember the Passovers they celebrated when they were young.

Also, it is mind boggling to think of how many years Passover has been celebrated by the Jewish people. The idea that it's been celebrated since the time of Moses "blows my mind!"

The 2nd half of the video below shows a Jewish choir singing the song:

I Want to Belong Somewhere...but I don't want to get sucked into any religious group

There are two movies about young people joining religious cults that have always intrigued me.  They bring back memories of the deep sense of wanting to belong somewhere that I felt when I was young.

Ticket to Heaven has been called "A lost gem of the early 1980s." That's a good way to describe the movie.

The movie is about a fairly normal Jewish man from Toronto in his early 20s named David.  David is going through some tough times. If I recall correctly, he lost his job and broke up with his girlfriend.

To help deal with his troubles, David decides to take a trip to visit a friend named Karl who has moved to San Francisco.

Immediately, Karl introduces David to the friends he's linked up with in San Francisco.  The friends tell him they run all sorts of causes and are some sort of a cooperative that does charity work and lives happily together.  They talk David into going on a retreat to somewhere in the California mountains.

At first David is not interested in all the "love bombing" that the group gives him during the retreat, but eventually, he does get sucked in and joins the cult.  He contacts his family and friends back in Canada and tells them he's not returning home.

David's good friend,  Larry, then goes out to San Francisco to check things out because something just doesn't seem "kosher" about David's sudden decision.

Larry almost gets sucked into the cult too, but escapes and returns to Canada.  There, he reports what he has learned to David's family and friends.  They decide to go to San Francisco and rescue David by kidnapping him and getting him out of the cult.

There are some scenes in the movie that remind me of my days with JFJ. The movie starts out with a van driving through San Francisco. There is a feeling of happiness in the van. I used to feel that just before I passed out broadsides (tracts) with JFJ. We all were united and I felt safe inside that van. When we went out onto the streets to share our message, I knew soon I'd be back safely in that van and I'd be safe among my friends. In order to belong, I had to go out and share a message (even if I may not have believed in what I was doing).

There is a scene where David goes off on his own when he couldn't sell flowers. He goes inside a restaurant and eats a hamburger. There were times I felt like doing that.

A similar movie, that also has almost has an identical plot is Blinded by the Light, another 80s film starring Kristy McNichol and Jimmy McNichol. In this story, Jimmy plays another young man named David who is happily part of a cult. His sister, Janet, decides to check out the cult to see if it is really as bad as her parents say it is and almost gets sucked in, but gets away. Janet and David's parents hire someone to get David out.

What's similar in both movies is how much David (in both movies) liked belonging to the groups. Getting taken away from the group was really, really hard. Everything logical didn't seem logical as I watch both Davids deal with the de-programmers. They want to be back with the group and believe their loving family and friends have done an evil thing by taking them away.

There's also a scene in Blinded by the Light when one of David's fellow cult members stops selling flowers and just sits down on the street and sings. He gave up selling flowers because he realized all of a sudden what he was doing was pointless.

I never did that, but there were times I felt like just throwing my tracts away and walking around or going to a coffee house to fill in the time before my team leader returned to take us back to the safety of the JFJ van. There were times I thought what I was doing was ridiculous, but I wanted to belong to the group so much that I just kept doing what I was doing.

Anyway...

As I think about both movies, I realized what I miss about being part of a religious group is that I have a tremendous need to belong somewhere, but I don't fit in with any religious group. I don't belong in the Christian world, but I also don't belong with Orthodox Jews. I don't want to be part of a reform synagogue either. I'm interested in spiritual things and seeking G-d, not the social aspect that is part of the more liberal synagogue or Jewish social groups.

I guess I will never quite belong to any religious group again, but I do know that I want to seek G-d. I know I can't do it alone though. Sometimes I don't quite understand why. If my relationship is between me and G-d, why do I need others to make that connection?

Book Review - Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots

I heard about the book Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots from a Jewish women's online discussion group. I thought I might as well read it.

Once it arrived, I couldn't put the book down since it was so upsetting!

For years, I've studied with a program called Partners In Torah. I've admired Orthodox Jews because of that experience.

My Partners In Torah study partner has taken me on a tour of Orthodox Jewish life and I've only heard and learned positive things.  What she describes is a loving community, a loving family, and a God that she and those around her seek in such a wonderful way.  The rules surrounding Orthodox Judaism don't seem like rules when we talk.

I'm also now studying with a program called TorahMates.  I've only talked to my study partner three times so far, but her world, too, is a wonderful place.  Yes, there are rules and restrictions, but again, it seems that that those rules and restrictions just make connections to G-d stronger.

I've also admired the Chabad Lubavitch, an ultra-Orthodox Jewish sect whose mission is to educate Jews all over the world about Judaism.

Through Chabad, and also through Partners in Torah and now Torah Mates, I've learned so many things.  For example, I wouldn't know about Jewish weddings, marriage contracts, Jewish marriage rituals, Shabbos, Passover, Purim, how to read Hebrew, and lots of other things if it hadn't been for my contact with these groups and for their willingness to share information with me.

It just never occurred to me that some Chasidic Jews felt trapped in that world and wanted out.

Deborah Feldman tells her story "like it is."  She didn't do anything different than I did when I told my
story in my book Sentenced for Life.  I told the truth.  Ellen Kamentsky told the truth in her book Hawking God.  Deborah Feldman tells the truth too.  All of us wanted "out."  All of us just told our stories.

All of us did get "out."  The thing is, my story and my life has continued.  So has Ellen's.  And...so will Deborah Feldman's life...she's only about twenty-six years old now.  She may look back.  She will remember.  What she experienced will never quite leave her.  I've always admired Ellen since she seems to have never looked back.  I admit I have looked back.

Now...back to Deborah Feldman:

As I read Deborah Feldman's story, I was horrified! I have heard about almost everything she described.

I had always thought of the Mikvah experience as a wonderful experience. Feldman's experiences were awful.

I thought of family in her community as the most wonderful thing in the world. Her family was not a wonderful. It didn't seem like she was ever loved.

Until I read this book, I thought Jewish day schools and Jewish camps were special places; now, I'm not so sure.

One thing I am sure of: I'm so glad I was not born into a Chasidic family! I'm so glad my parents and grand-parents were "your average secular Jews" and not "religious fanatics!  I'm also sure that I would never again want to venture further in any fanatical religious world or into any place where religious practices, thoughts, or rules could control my life or the lives of those I love.