I'm So Addicted to Facebook That I'm Writing About How I Am Going to Break My Facebook Addiction

There's a Star Trek Next Generation episode where everyone on the ship becomes addicted to a game.  Everyone wants to get everyone else on the ship to play the game and soon the entire ship's crew is spending way too much time playing the game and not doing their work or they don't spend their free time doing the things they should be doing.  Wesley Crusher and another crewman notice the game is having adverse affects on everyone and they investigate.  It turns out that the game is really a mind control tactic from an alien race.  Once that is discovered, all eventually returns to normal, the alien race is defeated, and the crew in Star Trek moves on.

Like the Enterprise's crew, many, many people in this world have found Facebook to be a fun diversion.  It is not a game, but in a sense it is.  Once an individual is hooked into Facebook, he wants others to join.  Soon, he is connected with real people from his present and past, but also gets connected to people he or she has never met.  Everyone he or she is connected to is a "friend," but Facebook friends may have nothing in common besides that.  

Sometimes, although some people on Facebook will never meet or ever interact face to face, they consider one another good friends and care about one another.  Happiness occurs, but sadness also occurs.  Through Facebook, we hear about death, disaster, and sadness quicker than we might like to.  Sometimes, casual or renewed friendships end when the wrong question is asked.  We also hear about births and marriages.  Some people share every moment of their vacation or honeymoon, and at the same time, others feel that nothing good is happening in their lives as they see photos with smiles and updates of wonderful adventures of others.

I joined Facebook, I believe, in early 2009.  I didn't quite know what it was, but at first enjoyed getting connected with people who had disappeared from my life long, long ago.  The answer to "What ever happened to so and so..." was answered more than once.  As I reconnected with long, lost friends, I learned where they lived, if they were married, if they had children or grandchildren, what happened to their parents, and what was going on in their lives now.  Those things are good things and I'm glad for that type of connection.

As time went on, I also made virtual friends on Facebook.  These were people I never met face to face, but those people, for one reason or another, wanted to know me.  I let them in to my Facebook life, that is, virtual reality, mostly because they loved something about skating.  They might have been readers of my About.com Figure Skating articles or they might have seen a video of my children skating on YouTube.  These virtual friends, I discovered, cared about me and wanted to follow my life.

Facebook changed for me at that point.  Was it a real or a virtual online computer game that I could play each day?  Was it like The Holodeck on Star Trek where I could walk into and be whatever I wanted be?

In late 2012, when I began to experience what I call "Facebook Overload," I decided to leave Facebook for three months.  During that time, I only posted my skating articles there (since About.com wanted me to have a Facebook presence) and decided to avoid anything else.  I wondered once in awhile what went on in Facebook's virtual reality, but found myself with more time to enjoy my life outside of that virtual world.  

I came back to Facebook after those three months and limited my time there.  I really thought I had perhaps recovered as the months passed, but in late 2013, during a vacation, I couldn't resist posting many happy photos and updates, and I found myself unable to resist finding out if someone "liked" or "commented" (noticed) how happy I was.  Also, during times of crisis, I posted concerns and worries.  

That was a mistake.

The mistake I made was spending more time (again) on Facebook than I should have.

When a friend announced on Facebook he suddenly got married after only a two week engagement, I rejoiced with him and asked an innocent question about how all came together so quickly.  The question I asked from his point of view was so wrong, that the friend ended our relationship on Facebook and blocked me and my husband and my friends from further contact with him.  The thing is,  if we had not been connected on Facebook, I would have never asked that question and I wouldn't have even known he got married in the first place!

This has not been a good experience and has been miserable, and has upset me greatly.  I did some research on blocking and "unfriending," and then noticed I'd been "unfriended" by others with no explanation.  It hurts even though I have over 1700 Facebook "friends."  People can go to great lengths to block their Facebook profiles from being found in a public search all because of a misunderstanding with one person.  People can even lurk in the background in Facebook groups while those they block don't know they are still there.  

This is when I realized that Facebook is not good for me.  Why should I worry if someone unfriends or blocks me?  Life is not inside this "virtual game" called Facebook.  I need to spend my life in the world and with real people and not inside a "Holodeck" virtual Facebook world.  I'm not going to delete or deactivate my Facebook account, but I'm going to make a commitment to limit the time I spend there.

I admit that I am still a Facebook Addict.  If I wasn't, I wouldn't be writing about how I'm addicted!

• Southpark Episode - "You Have 0 Friends"
• How to Defeat a Facebook Addiction

Book Review: A GPS For Grief And Healing by Rabbi Mel Glazer

I am a member of Temple Shalom in Colorado Springs and Rabbi Mel Glazer is my rabbi.   Everyone at Temple Shalom knows Rabbi Glazer makes people smile and laugh.  Most of us also know he also is an expert on how to deal with grief.  In fact, he calls himself "The Grief Guy."

I didn't know that Rabbi Glazer was an expert on counseling people on grief when I called him two years ago when our family's little Pomeranian dog, Porcher, died suddenly and unexpectedly.  I just called the rabbi and asked if there was a Jewish funeral ceremony for dogs since our entire family was in shock and we wanted to do something special to remember the dog that had been part of our family since my children were babies.  Rabbi Glazer gave me some great suggestions on how to give our beloved dog Porcher a Jewish funeral.  At his suggestion, we recited the Shema together as a family and then we each said something out loud to Porcher as we said our good-byes and then buried our dog in our backyard.  The hurt didn't go away, but saying our good-byes together was a good thing.

Then, when an entire family from the Temple Shalom's preschool died in tragic accident, the Shabbat service that followed dealt with the grief that many people in the congregation were dealing with.  The rabbi gave each of us present a chance to also remember our loved ones.  I will never forget that night.

A GPS For Grief And Healing is an easy read (I read the entire book in one day) and is available for immediate reading as a Kindle book and is also available in paperback.  The book is so easy to read in fact, that it seems like Rabbi Glazer is talking directly to you in an easy to understand and gentle tone.  You want to hear all of his stories, and you want to understand all of his suggestions.  You may cry as you read the book, and you may not be able to put the book down.   You may want to read every single paragraph over and over again.  Also, although the author is a Jewish rabbi, people of all faiths will find Rabbi Glazer's advice helpful.

As you read this book, you will remember those you have lost and you will shed some tears.  You will understand all the emotions you've been through and you will find yourself letting go of some of the emotions you've bottled up and you may find yourself moving forward.

As 2014 begins, I have realized that there are many people in my life that I have said good-bye to.  Some have died, but others have left my life or are no longer a part of my daily or weekly routine, some have moved away, and others have decided to end whatever relationship we once had. A GPS For Grief And Healing by Rabbi Mel Glazer is the "medicine" I might need to move forward as I deal with each individual loss.