This is the continuing story of a Jewish woman's spiritual journey and search. Jo Ann Schneider Farris has searched and searched for God in many different ways. In this blog, she tells her past, present, and future stories and shares her thoughts.
The song, Ride the Train, intrigued me. It is written by an orthodox Jewish composer. He's obviously talking about doing things in this world to prepare for something better in the next one.
I remembered at my mom's funeral, the rabbi said that most Jews do not know what is to come and our tradition teaches that there is nothing besides the existence in this world, but I have done some researching: Judaism does have some thoughts on what is to come. Believing in a just and caring God means that an afterlife does exist and that afterlife is for everyone.
Orthodox Jews believe that one's place in the Olam Ha-Ba (Heaven or The Afterlife) is determined by a merit system based on actions. The righteous of all nations have a share in the Olam Ha-Ba.
"The dust will return to the ground as it was, and the spirit will return to God who gave it." (Ecclesiastes 12:17)
The Little Midrash Says Devarim/Deuteronomy discusses missionaries on page 114. It states that missionaries are steering Jews away from the Torah and thus their rewards in Olam Ha-Ba. Wow...I've never would have thought I would see even a mention of missionaries in a Jewish commentary for children.
What's interesting is that missionaries believe they are helping Jews get to Heaven, but that Torah commentary states that missionaries are doing the opposite! How confusing is that?
Ride the Train is a song by Abie Rotenberg, an orthodox Jewish musician. Wow...this song has a powerful message!
Ride the Train - By Abie Rotenberg
Come on and ride the train
Step on board, take your ticket, no two are the same
You'll soon be going for a ride
There's nowhere to run, no place to hide
You’re riding riding riding on the train
But you try to check your ticket
And you don’t know what it means
Will you get to sit on velvet, and dine on fine cuisine
Or is your place to be upon a worn out wooden seat
With a slice of old and crusty bread, your only food to eat
Come on and ride the train
The doors are closed the whistle's blowin’
Now you must remain
The locomotive's on a roll
Just some things you cant control
you're riding riding riding on the train
So you ask an older passenger
How long this ride will be
He says sorry son I cant say there is no guarantee
It might be the next station, we’ll be there in no time
But maybe if you’re lucky
You can stay till the end of the line
Then you take a walk all through the train
Each boxcar one by one
Most are filled with people sayin’, “this rides just for fun.
Why think about tomorrow when you’ve got today instead
Sit back enjoy the view
There’s miles and miles of rail ahead”
Ride the train, oh ride the train, come on everybody, ride the train
Ride the train, oh ride the train, come on everybody, ride the train
But one car seems so different, inhabited by few
Who say there is no time to waste
We’re only passing through
The choices that you make today are all that’s gonna last
The train is moving down the track
And its moving awful fast
Come on and ride the train
Step on board, take your ticket, no two are the same
You'll soon be going for a ride
There's nowhere to run, no place to hide
You’re riding riding riding on the train
My children and I, and my friend, Marion, and my friend, Marilyn, went to a service at Temple Israel in Long Beach last night called Got Shabbat. It was great! All the traditional Jewish prayers and songs were done in a very upbeat way! It was an Shabbat we will never forget.
Again, it was great to feel the connection to Temple Israel since it is the place my dad's family has been connected and affiliated with since the 1930s!
It was an easy read. I read the entire book in one day. I actually read the book last night. I couldn't sleep. I decided I might as well find out more about the little boy's experience since I couldn't sleep.
If what the little boy did experience is true, Heaven sounds like a very nice place.
The thing is, he was only three years old (almost four) when he "died for 3 minutes" and went to Heaven. The things he remembers aren't things three year olds remember.
I admit I liked the part when the kid says he got to see the sister his mom miscarried since I had a miscarriage. I remember my dad saying that that baby wasn't really a baby or person yet, but for me, that baby certainly was a baby. Dan and I mourned for that child. The idea that child would be in Heaven for me to meet sounds quite cool!
The kid also saw the devil, but didn't want to talk about it. He did want to talk about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.
The little boy also met his father's grandfather who died in the 1970s. When the father showed him a photo of the man at age 61, the little boy didn't recognize the photo, but he did recognize a photo of the grandfather when he was 29. Thus, this means, that no one in Heaven is old. They all look like their young selves!
The little boy said he only had little wings in Heaven, but his great-grandfather had big ones. He also said that Jesus had red "markers" on his hands. He said Jesus moved up and down, while everyone else flew around. There was a gold sort of crown on his head and he sat to the right hand of God's throne.
He said he talked to God about his father being a pastor and how happy God was about it. He also talked about how much God loves the people he created.
The little boy also described an out of the body experience where he saw his parents praying for him during his surgery.
I found myself liking the little boy, Colton. I liked the narrator and author of the book, Todd Burpo. I could tell that they were just a nice family that enjoyed life in a small town in the Midwest.
Of course, I think about my husband, Dan's, accident. Dan told me that he did have an out of the body experience too. Dan says he saw a door with a gold light behind it. He did not go through the door since something or someone said "it was not his time yet."
I am glad I read this book. It's got me thinking about lots of things. It's hard to put in writing what I'm thinking. If what is described is true, "having Jesus" is essential in order to get into Heaven. I am not sure I "have Jesus" since I still believe that there are many ways to God.
My Great Uncle Irving was one of the Jewish Community Center's founders. He also was once of the founders of Temple Israel. My dad went to that temple and taught religious school there. My parents were married by Temple Israel's rabbi. My mother's funeral was conducted by Rabbi Moskowitz from Temple Israel. My Grandma Fannie went in and out of the doors of the Jewish Community Center many, many times. My niece, Cory, spend the summer in one of the Jewish Community Center's programs for teens and will probably work there for pay next summer.
Wow...the connection I felt at that Temple Israel service last Shabbat was incredible. Truly the words of G-d asking Jews to pass His words on to your children and your grandchildren hit home for me.
As I looked around the congregation, I felt an incredible connection not only to G-d, but to Jews everywhere. I knew I belonged there and so did my family. It's so wonderful, after so many years, to see my family worshiping G-d together! How cool is that?!
“You shall not add to the word that I command you, nor shall you subtract from it, to observe the commandments of Ha-shem your G-d, that I command you.” (Deuteronomy 4:2)
The very idea that the words in the Torah have been passed from one generation to the next is amazing! Also, the idea that it has not been changed is also mind boggling!
This week's parsha also talks about how God wants us to pass his commandments to our children. That's what amazes me. The idea that the 10 Commandments and what is inside a Torah has been passed from one generation to the next and keeps being passed from generation to generation is utterly amazing!
(I believe and hope that my three children's time at Jewish camp this past summer and the summer before may have done just that....that is something from the Torah has been passed from my generation to theirs. The Torah passing ceremony at Rebekah's Bat Mitzvah illustrated that. Wow!)
I love the end of the song. The last line is: "Live by the words you'll find inside this scroll...live by the words you'll find inside my soul..."
I was going to blog about this song yesterday, but my computer wasn't working right. This was on my mind all day yesterday. The words were my thoughts, that is.
This song is by a Jewish songwriter named Abie Rotenberg. I have purchased three of his CDs. His songs have messages that I love!
At the end of this song, the following line is my favorite:
"....I do understand, You have been tugging and pulling the string in my hand."
Little Kite - Lyrics and Song by Abie Rotenberg
The sky’s bright and clear, the winds blow strong
Winter has passed now the suns shining proud
What a glorious day to send up a kite
To dance and soar high over the clouds
Through the traffic and noise, I ran to the park
An island surrounded with castles of stone
With my kite and a spool of clear plastic line
We journey together a long way from home
Little kite tell me, for I cannot fly
Can you see distant oceans and mountains so high
But most of all tell me, for I cannot see
Is there a God in heaven, does he know of me?
Lighter than air, my little kite flew
Riding the wind like an eagle in flight
So far away now just a speck in the sky
Reaching the heavens it vanished from sight
Little kite tell me, for I cannot fly
Can you see distant oceans and mountains so high
But most of all tell me, for I cannot see
Is there a God in heaven, does he know of me?
Well someone passed by, and looked at me strange
He asked what you doing on this day so fair?
Flying a kite, well how could that be
Cant you see little boy there’s nothing up there
Little kite tell me why I’ve been so blind
Using my eyes oh in place of my mind
For though I can’t see you I do understand
You’re tuggin’ and pullin’ the string in my hand
When I woke up yesterday morning, Wednesday, 8-10-2011, I wondered if I was going to need to write a "Thank You Very Much" email. You see, I've been "going" to a weekly online discussion group related to McClean Bible Church in Maryland, for a few months now. The Wednesday night group discusses the weekly sermon that is broadcast online (several times) during the week.
I had debated about writing Cindy, the leader, and thanking her for everything, but also telling her I just didn't want to "attend" anymore. My desire to seek God as a Jew seemed to perhaps mean that "anything Christian" should no longer be part of my life at this time.
That ended up not happening because I started reading The Screwtape Letters yesterday. There was something in the book that gave me the idea to call my friend Marion and ask her to "go" with me and give the group one last try.
Well, I did "go," but my computer sure didn't want me to go! Every time I tried to log into the service and the chat room, the computer froze. I must have been in and out of there about four times. Finally, I was able to get back in the chat room. Cindy sent me the close-captioned version of the service which I was able to see and read later. I realized, after seeing the whole talk in writing, that I like seeing things in writing because I can understand better.
Les Misérables is about forgiveness:
There was a section of the sermon about part of the story Les Misérables. Jean Valjean, the book's hero, steals something from a bishop. Not only is he forgiven by the bishop, but he is given more things by the man he wronged. The bishop's act of kindness moved the book's hero and changed Jean Valjean's life forever. The entire experience, in a sense, redeems Jean Valjean for life. Although he cannot escape his past, his entire being transformed because of that one act of kindness and forgiveness.
The Book of Philemon is about forgiveness:
The sermon was not actually about Les Misérables, but about a letter Paul wrote to Philemon asking him to forgive a slave. Paul wished to pay the Onesimus's entire debt in fact.
The sermon went on and talked about forgiving those who hurt us, but also it talked about how to deal with someone who may seek you out to say, "You hurt me, but I have forgiven you."
My thoughts:
As I was in the discussion group, I thought about this issue. There's no way I'd really want someone I have hurt to bring it up and remind me of it!
I also reflected and remembered. I was really angry at Jews for Jesus for years. Yes, certain things happened "there" to me and others that I could not let go of or forget, but I also did some things to hurt that organization later. I don't want to be reminded of those things.
In February of 2011, shortly after I prayed with Lynn, all the anger I had for the organization ended. Even if I tried, I could not hold on to it. I could not even remember why I had been angry!
Would I hang out with someone who hurt me or someone I hurt?
Now, getting back to the discussion group. I do understand that Onesimus probably was forgiven by Philemon, but...(I brought this up last night), I doubt Onesimus and Philemon became buddies. I doubt Onesimus hung out at Philemon's house again.
This may be what I've struggled with recently. I don't want to hang out with the people I hurt (except for a select few right now). It was not only Jews for Jesus I hurt. There were innocent and good "church people" that I scoffed at and perhaps made fun of. Some of the people I hurt have opened their arms up to me and welcomed me back in their lives, but still, I don't want to be that close.
I want to seek God in my own way and yes, at this time, I do believe that there are many ways to God. I want to learn about all those ways, but my love of the Jewish way to God drives and guides me daily.
The first kind of searching is searching to find something that is lost. Searching and finding are two different acts. The search ends when the lost item is found.
Searching for God is not that kind of searching.
The second kind of searching is like listening to a piece of music. The final climax of that music may be the end of that piece of music, but is worthless without the musical moments that preceded it. The discovery of the entire piece of music is the climax.
That is what my relationship with God and search for God is like. Judaism is a circle because the learning about God and His wonders continues year round. There is always something new to learn and discover. G-d is so huge, that the entire experience of learning about G-d and believing in G-d is the climax.
How exciting that thought is!
I can listen to a piece of music over and over. The same goes with my God.
I'll end this post with this thought from the V'a-hav-ta. I've pasted this in other posts on this blog and I'm posting it again.
"And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might."
Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Sh'ma Yis'ra'eil Adonai Eloheinu Adonai echad. Hear, Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is One.
In an undertone:
Barukh sheim k'vod malkhuto l'olam va'ed.
Blessed be the Name of His glorious kingdom for ever and ever.
V'ahav'ta eit Adonai Elohekha b'khol l'vav'kha uv'khol naf'sh'kha uv'khol m'odekha.
And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
V'hayu had'varim ha'eileh asher anokhi m'tzav'kha hayom al l'vavekha. And these words that I command you today shall be in your heart.
V'shinan'tam l'vanekha v'dibar'ta bam
And you shall teach them diligently to your children, and you shall speak of them
b'shiv't'kha b'veitekha uv'lekh't'kha vaderekh uv'shakh'b'kha uv'kumekha when you sit at home, and when you walk along the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up.
Uk'shar'tam l'ot al yadekha v'hayu l'totafot bein einekha.
And you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be for frontlets between your eyes.
Ukh'tav'tam al m'zuzot beitekha uvish'arekha. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
Today, after Joel and Rebekah were done with their skating training, I took the kids downtown to a park called Acacia Park especially to hear a woman sing. The concert was scheduled to be part of the weekly Farmers Market that takes place at a downtown park every Monday.
The reason I wanted to go is that the woman, who we had met at Chabad, from outer appearances, seemed to be an observant Orthodox Jew. In fact, she had been the person behind the organization of the Chabad Women's Circle events that Annabelle and Rebekah and I had attended for the past year.
Glancing at her Facebook page had revealed to me that she was and is no ordinary observant Jewish woman....in addition to being the mother of 6 children, one who is a Lubavitcher, she is a country western and rock singer, songwriter, and performer!
Now...this person is my kind of person! She has not allowed her very close relationship with G-d to change who she is. The joy G-d gives her radiates out of her too!
We are really excited since her family is going to have us to her house sometime for Havdalah!
Tisha B'Av begins at sundown on Monday, August 8, 2011. I learned about it last week when I studied with my study partner, Dena, from Partners in Torah. She and others in her Orthodox Jewish community will celebrate the holiday by fasting. It is a sad day that commemorates the destruction of the two Temples.
Jews don't only think about the destruction of the two Temples, but they think about sad things, so Dena told me that, only on Tisha B'Av, does she read books or stories about the Holocaust.
I brought up the story of Ellen Burka, who is one of the most famous figure skating coaches in North American history. She is a Holocaust survivor. What is so amazing to me is that figure skating may have saved her life!
She survived life in a Nazi concentration camp (her parents and grandmother were killed there). Her skates were shipped to the camp so that she could skate and perform for the German officers. One of the German officers took a liking to her. One day, all the women in her barracks were sent to the Auschwitz death concentration camp; all the women were sent there except Ellen.
Burka believes that figure skating saved her life. Her daughter put together a wonderful documentary called Skate to Survive that I watched with interest.
After the war, Ellen Burka married and had two children. The family moved to Canada. She did not tell her children she was Jewish until they were almost grown. In fact, she raised her children in the Anglican church, but considered herself someone with "no religion." She stated her reasons for doing that was that anti-semitism was strong in Canada at the time and she wouldn't have been allowed to teach at some figure skating clubs if she had revealed that she was a Jew.
Only recently, with the publication of Skate to Survive, has her background been made public.
After seeing this documentary, Ellen Burka has become sort of a hero to me. She endured so much sorrow and pain, but God was with her always and she continues to touch the lives of figure skaters.
Don't hide Your face from me; I'm asking for Your help. I call to You, please hear my prayers, 0 G-d. If you would answer me, as I have called to You Please heal me now, don't hide Your face from me.
That's the words from one of my favorite Debbie Friedman songs. (Debbie Friedman is a very well-know Jewish singer-songwriter. Sadly, she passed away in early 2011.)
This is my prayer. I am crying out to God and have done so for so very long. I know God is listening.
I just need to call out to God as a Jew. I don't believe that anyone has the right to tell me I can't seek God as a Jew. I've decided that from this point forward, this blog will share how I do just that.
I met with Lynn this afternoon via Skype. She was very direct with me. She kept saying, "What am I going to do with you, Jo Ann? I just don't know what to do with you."
She told me that she knows that I wrote on this blog that I am NOT a "believer." She stated that I've made it public that I've rejected Jesus.
It's hard to know what to "do with me."
I told her that for some reason, I want to keep the "door" slightly open, but I just don't want to be a Christian.
The thing is, Jews for Jesus is about telling Jews that Jesus is the messiah, showing them the "way" and then making sure they are "grounded" in a church.
I don't want to go that route, but...
I believe in God with my whole heart and mind. I just want to seek God as a Jew. I am a hopeless case it seems from a certain point of view...
Thinking about all of this is very uncomfortable.
Well...it's almost time for Shabbat. Tonight I will attend Temple Beit Torah with my family and seek God. I will ask God to continue to guide me and help me figure out what to do.
I am Jewish. My kids are Jewish. Over fifteen years ago, Dan and I decided to raise our children in the Jewish faith. We are secular Jews, but we are Jewish. My children and husband are not "open" to the Gospel at all. (It's just very hard in my house to try to believe in something that the rest of the family considers "dumb.")
